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Question: Have you ever had something strange happen on a moonlit walk (poetically)!?
"Nymphs"
Bob M!. 09-29-2008

A nighttime walk I once did take,
across a shallow moonlit lake,
my car was left in yon verdure,
in a forest beyond obscure!.

Sounds of water lapping the shore,
hypnotizing creatures secrete ardor!.
Heavenly visions drifting endlessly,
winged nymphs encircling ardently!.

Seems like many hours pass me by,
before mad damselfly landed on I!.
Slapping!. swinging ever-y-where,
to let fly know I would not share!.

Nighttime ground still moist and wet,
when I rose to thwart flying threat!.
Faster, faster I was running away
back to my vehicle without delay!.

In the backseat lies a nymphet,
like previous ground moist and wet,
she's fully covered in morning dew,
in a forest where dreams come true!.


--------------------------------------!.!.!.
nymph - A larva of an insect with incomplete metamorphosis
like a mayfly or dragonfly!.
or
nymph - A voluptuously beautiful young woman Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
** Blushing** a vibrant shade of RED!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Very mysterious, was mad damselfly protecting you!? I remember a comment made by ma "were those the beautiful insects that are iridescent and fly over the water!." Who was waiting in your car in a forest where dreams come true!? Did you give the answer, I believe so!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

This is a really beautiful piece Bob!.!.!.I love its music and rhythm!. Through out the poem you were also successful in maintaining a peculiar atmosphere of mystery and beauty!. I love it so much!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

Youth I have, mentally!.!.!.I walk where seldom the footprints are seen!.!.!.my forests of fancy!.!.!.spirits surround eyes of green, seeing not enough, and, maybe too much!.!.!.
See what you made me say!?
Only good poetry has this effect on me!. Done nymphatically good!Www@QuestionHome@Com

You came up with this!?

It has a different culture to it!. I like the way you worded it and the combination of words you used!.

I think you are a cery creative writer!.

Keep up the GREAT work!

:o)Www@QuestionHome@Com

In it's way, one of your best BMG!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

mad damselfly!.!. She is one of my favorits!.!.You tried hard to get to the last stanza!.!.Nice!Www@QuestionHome@Com

This style of poetry is difficult to pull off!.!.!.the inverted word order makes the lines sound extremely contrived (which they are)!. I went through a similar phase early on and rather than simply tell you that it doesn't sound as well as it could (you have a good command of the language and some very good images in your poem), I'll simply say, let it sit for a few months and then come back to it!.!.!.read it and ask yourself if it really sounds the way you remember it!. I've done this myself and cringe at what I wrote!. It's not "bad", but you could do much better!. Consider something other than rhymed couplets, especially end-stopped perfect rhymed ones!. I suspect your large vocabulary is working against you at times!. At the end of the day, the poems that work the best are the ones that sound the most natural (closest to normal speech) and whose rhymes (if they rhyme) sound almost accidental!. When a poet forces the rhyme with inverted word order they end up sounding like Dr!. Seuss or Yoda, and I'm not sure that was your intent!.

Again, you have some very sophisticated words and images in your poem, but you need to edit the heck out of it to get the phrases back into a normal flow!. I know, this is like saying your kid has big ears, but I'd rather you consider my comments than simply tell you what you want to hear!. Let time be your best guide!.!.!.look at it again after some time has passed!.

!.!.!.and keep writingWww@QuestionHome@Com