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Quick poem i wrote----please critique and comment!?
[yup this is reposted]
I'm new to writing and this one was just a quick spur of the moment!.
I know that it's not that good or deep!.!.!.but I felt the need to share it because we all feel like this sometimes-
I knew it wasn't meant to last
just a temporary lapse
couldn't help but falling for you
right from the start I knew
that there were so many others
and I was just another
couldn't help catching a glance
she smilies, eyes locked
I know too well what she's thinking
intrigued and locked in conversation
everything else seems like just an affiliation
the other; a girl with soft curls
she laughs and your hands brush,
if only for a second, it's a second too much
look at those fools, choking on your words
and yet they still come back for more
still how could I blame them
I was once starving too
famished for your attention
and a thirst that was brand new
and so the saying goes
'there are other fish in the sea'
tell me though, how you get back out fishing
when your heart has broken freeWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
very good poem
it's the girl everyone wants and gets played by
the last line is good, but i don't see it totally relating to the fish part
maybe if you said something along the lines of,
when your heart has been set free or something like that!?
check out my poem if you'd like : http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
it makes me feel what you felt when you writing this poem!.!.
it is really easy to write a poem if it is comes from your heart and this poem is really wonderful!.!.keep on writing from your heart!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
its good!.!.it flows nice! good luck writing! keep a journal with all your work!.!.you'll look back on it someday and see how much you've grown!. Writing is great therapyWww@QuestionHome@Com
this is an awesome poem!.!.!.the firs one i have ever liked!.!.!.if this has happened 2 u im sorry bcuz i no wat its lik!.!.!.its happened 2 me at least a thousand times or moreWww@QuestionHome@Com
wow thats really good!
it has a smooth flow of words and interesting choices!.
good luck and best wishes!