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Question: Can you give me your opinion on my poem!?
The last time I saw you I barely knew your name
I never knew where you been or where u were going
But as we were apart I absorbed that beautiful smile
And it showed me all the things that I couldn’t see
Like your great determination and rare sense of…
Cause the last time I saw you it was under the night sky
And even though the moonlight touched your skin ever so…
It was not enough for my eyes to be satisfied
It may have captured your elegancy
But it could never capture your grace
The last time I saw you it ended in a smile and a hug
Nothing more friendships embrace
But not even I could have foreseen what was to come
Because the last time I saw you
I fell deeply in love…
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It's very tender and touching,,,
I think it would really benefit from some sort of scheme to adhere to ad I would suggest you have a go at redesigning it so that it fits into iambic pentameter,
This mean that each line has five pairs of beats, with the second one stronger!. dee - DUM dee DUM dee DUMdee DUM(not that you would read it out in that exaggerated way)
No rhyming is needed unless you want to include it in!.
So with this, your first couple of lines might read
I didn't know you, or your name last night
Your past, your future all closed off to me!.
Yet still your smile would haunt me in my sleep
And showed me all the things I couldn't see!.
Having a limited number of syllables forces you to choose words carefully!. And it is also the style chsoen by William Shakespeare!. It's just a thought!.
Hope this helpsWww@QuestionHome@Com
Sorry, but I didn't finish reading it!. As soon as I saw all the grammatical errors, and chat-speak, I stopped!. Although, I'd assume it's cheesy, and corny!. -_-Www@QuestionHome@Com
That's awesome!.!.!.you express yourself beautifully, and have clarity in your writing! Keep up the good work! Thanks for sharing, and thanks for asking!.Www@QuestionHome@Com