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Question: I That I am (poem feedback please)!?
Please be honest!. What do you think!?

I That Am

I that am my struggle
My woe and tears define
I that am my troubles
The burns alone are mine

I that am my reaching hands
My desperate cries, God, save your child
I, that injured, tries to stand
Control I can't emotions wild

I whose heart is lost and broken
My heart swelling, it pains to breathe
I, whose words are never spoken
I, whose eyes refuse to decieve

I that am begging to be heard
I that am dying to be held
I that am needing to be loved
To be alive, to hide my cries, to still survive
I that am my loneliness
Empty as phoenix harmony
Echoing incessantly
I that am no one but me Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I think it's good!.!.!. not great but good!. It's a portrait poem and is supposed to be about the writer!. I think you did a good job of describing the struggles that exist in you!. It probably felt really good to put it all on paper!.!.!.err computer screen :) That is often the case with portraits!. I do them from time to time!.

The best judge of a poem like this would be yourself!. They are your emotions and if you read it line by line and feel that emotion exactly then that line is fine, leave it there!. If you find a line that doesn't really express what you're feeling then mull it over and I'm sure you will tap into the feeling you're looking for!.

As for the guy that posted like every poem ever written as his answer, I apologize for him, he is clueless!.

If you write alot of poetry you can visit www!.writerscafe!.org and post your stuff there!. If you want to read some of my stuff follow this link!.!.!.

http://www!.writerscafe!.org/writers/emspi!.!.!.

Good luck and keep writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think it is a really nice poem and i feel the person who wrote it is a very sad and lonely person and needs love in their life!.I bless them and their life that it may get better and they may see the light at the end of the tunnel!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I really like it, is it okay if I print it out and stick it on my fridge!?

Only one line confused me though:

" The bums alone are mine "

Is that!.!. like street bums / homeless people or figuratively speaking about your posterior !?

!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wow!.!.!.you are truly gifted!. A master of your craft!. I'm in love with this poem!. I love the tone, it reflects such strong emotion, persuading the mind, moving the heart!. Gorgeous!.

I started a movement called Strong Truths, it is to collaborate with young writers and artists under 29 to express, inspire and empower!. It is exactly the word, the strong brutal truths of life, however from our view, our beliefs in life!. We are publishing books and more!.!.!.

I'd love for you to join as a contributor, visit http:///www!.strongtruths!.wordpress!.com

Gene MarieWww@QuestionHome@Com

Painfully clichè!. Standard ryhme patterm, a tad tired!. Nice attempt!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

i wrote i am once again 4 u u did not get it !? some more pl also visit my profile 4

I AM

BY HELLO CANADA

!.!.!.!.!.!.!.ON THE BEACH!.!.!.!.

I saw them running around hand in hand ,
They were two boys,
On the other side I saw,
Two teenagers,in their bikinis,

Ilooked at other signs of their associations,
Alas sad to say, I found none!.
I moved on and took mine along,
to the other side!.

When this one did a smile fling
I looked around she was a thing,
Then I saw what I thought I did,
The two boys clasped, yes not gasped,
They moved away and so did we!.

We ran into the water and did not care,
The twins did at us stare,
We blushed and smiled as they smiled back,
We were in our jeans and they without,
We wondered why they laughed at us!.
Guess what we were at the wrong beach,

It was only for the nudist youth,
We were out of sync I came to know,
We were out far into the sandy waters,
And there we thought of stripping so,
But shy as we felt we could not do,
Can you guess,who was by then,who with who!?

FROM THE COFFEE SHOP

As I sat alone having coffee ,
I saw her passing by swiftly!.
I ran out,for I thought it is now or never,
To make a new friend on a coldest morning ever!.

I called her from far and yelled,
'HELLO HELLO'
There was no response, so I did her follow!.
Once gain I called at her,
She was unmindful!.
What the hell I said to myself ,
I ran ahead of her to stop her,
She smiled and smiled without response,
I wondered what she wanted to say,
'Hello' I said once more,
She was deaf for sure!.

I waived and returned back to my coffee shop,
My coffee, as she had, was also gone,
Alas I, she and coffee guy,
All to each other had to say,
Bye,bye,good bye!.

DESPAIR
My Love I wake up for your love dear,

I go to sleep,as dreams make me feel near,

And make me gain confidence that you're close,

In an imperfect world, we all unwantedly chose,


Yet when I awake I miss,the warmth I craved,

My fantasy and imagination I so honestly braved,

And I fall back again from the stair,

My dear I'm utterly miserable, oh this, despair!.


My innate desire to spend a whole life,

As your dear lovelingly and only wife!.

Perhaps that was what you did always desire,

And the flame of fire in me, you did fire!.


I miss your warmth and loving embrace,

I do not know when and how, I fell from grace!.

Your lovely look,your eyes, and beautiful smile,

I always possessed and will possess all the while!.


What made you think I was just a playful toy,

Just to hold for a while and enjoy,

What made you think of me that so low,

Say it all was just not said ,let my heart glow!.


Come back to me my life, my breath,my love ,

There is nothing left for me on earth or heaven above,

And come back to my arms once again,

My life, my very being, please do not leave me in vain!.
''HELLO CANADA''
INVENTIONS

I invent when I need to,

Now is the time which has come my way

Very soon, yes today or tomorrow,

Every one will come to know what,do you

Never mind I know can never guess,

Tomorrow when you read the newspapers,

I will be in picture, a full page

Only then will you learn of my invention,

Now till the day arrives yes the morn,

Shall ye see, what to my mind was born
PANAMA

Pamela, Pamela where are you!?

All are anxiously here, that's true,

Now is the time to cut the cake,

All are awaiting for the one you did make,

Mama dear, where have you hidden it,

All of us want a slice of cake ,a bit!.

LIBRA HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Libran's are from a world of a kind,
Of those who have a beautiful mind!.
They are very methodical and enchanting,
Their smile is very, very charming!.

Libras is a world to earn name and fame,
Their glances win hearts all the same,
Of those who reward them with a Rose,
My dear Libras are, to whom the universe,
The lovers' the classic winners,
Would all love to propose!.
My Dear!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.

From!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.

With a bunch of roses to you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com