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Question: How does this poem need to improve!?
it is a poem on life
We stare searching in wonder at objects in disillusion, looking for hope in empty shallow possessions!. We speak in harvest tongues spreading seeds to all parts of this land with out reflection that our words might scorn or damage even abuse!. Crimes running wild with strange tastes harming anything destroying futures before most had a chance to destroy it themselves!. What is the need for Looking to the sky for answers only to see we designed the sky such a pretty fog!? Welcome to this ride, game or question that we walk everyday!. We must understand life is tough we must be strong and overcome all obstacles in our path seeing only better futures and aspiration!. Our future has not been written we still have time to except change time to call to our brothers for hands we would never ask before!. See each of us is equally in sorrow we all have a tough road to walk we question everything and stand tall when things are down!. Only blinded in the heart have we become seeking light in darkened times, but what can we find but burnt out or neon light above every doorway blocking thought let alone peace of mind!. We seek to fall as our fore fathers before us, let there mistakes pave our way to the future!. Let there ideas fill the schools with hate even this time this day, racism such a weak subject with bitter solutions (we are all the same except it) my time of argue is done I give up my reigns right now at screaming at the sky I will not get old in your clicks or cenacle thoughts!. I will not follow those roads that could easily come before me, walk in shadows chasing fears like bats or fangs!. We are only reflections of our wake our true essence is in ourselves we need to learn and understand at least goals other then ourselves, we have to understand everyone’s faults and watch as they turn away!. Trust only once and understand that man bites!. Do not be afraid of what’s next that’s the only good thing we have in life tomorrow and the freshness of it!. Welcome all things from laughs to setting suns we always have the dawn!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Eclipse is right, it needs paragraphing!. The poem itself has a really good message, and some of the language is lovely, but it needs tweaking!.
I paragraphed it for you the way I might:
We stare,
searching in wonder at objects in disillusion,
looking for hope in empty shallow possessions!.
We speak in harvest tongues,
spreading seeds to all parts of this land
without reflection that our words might scorn or damage,
even abuse!.
Crimes running wild with strange tastes,
harming anything, destroying futures
before most had a chance to destroy it themselves!.
What is the need for
Looking to the sky for answers
only to see we designed the sky such a pretty fog!?
Welcome to this ride, game or question that we walk everyday!.
We must understand life is tough
we must be strong and overcome all obstacles in our path
seeing only better futures and aspirations!.
Our future has not been written; we still have time to accept change,
time to call to our brothers for hands we would never ask before!.
See, each of us is equally in sorrow
we all have a tough road to walk,
We question everything and stand tall when things are down!.
Only blinded in the heart have we become,
seeking light in darkened times,
but what can we find but burnt out or neon light
above every doorway
blocking thought,
let alone peace of mind!.
We seek to fall as our fore fathers,
let their mistakes pave our way to the future!.
Let there ideas fill the schools with hate even this time this day,
racism such a weak subject with bitter solutions
(we are all the same accept it)
My time of argue is done
I give up my reigns right now
At screaming at the sky!.
I will not get old in your clicks or cynical thoughts!.
I will not follow those roads that could easily come before me,
walk in shadows chasing fears like bats or fangs!.
We are only reflections of our wake,
our true essence is in ourselves!.
We need to learn and understand at least our goals,
if not ourselves!.
we must understand everyone’s faults and watch as they turn away!.
Trust only once and understand that man bites!.
Do not be afraid of what’s next!.
we have life in tomorrow and the freshness of it!.
Welcome all things from laughs to setting suns!.!.!.
We always have the dawn!.
----
And I changed some things:
"except" is supposed to be "accept"
"cenacle" I suppose is "cynical"
and made some changes to the punctuation and grammar!.
But it really is a good poem Www@QuestionHome@Com
You need to write it in lines, poems are not paragraphs!. It is very nice though!.Www@QuestionHome@Com