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Position:Home>Poetry> Poem,read and rate from 1 to 5?Question: poem,read and rate from 1 to 5!? Your name Is repeating it self In my throat And heart beat Simple actions I see you everyday In my sight And close my eyes Again I wish it was that easy To forget you To leave your place And say goodbye But its there Strike me stronger When I m here Writing for you And when I start writing The words weep Nothing I can figure Or put They aren’t that good They don’t tell Or say to others Why , I just cant sleep Why my night is long And my bones are hurting me Why every second Gets lazy to leave I understand that There is nothing called love In real life And its all about money, power But the little bird in my chest Shivers with pain If I try to stop it I will rest in grave I look at your pictures And just keep wishing One day In no day I will be with you again Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: This is a very good start!. I love the first three lines!. After that though it seems to be a little prosy!. For example, "I wish it was that easy to forget you, to leave your place and say goodbye!." When these words are not broken up into short little lines, there is nothing to indicate that we are even reading a poem!. I would love to see you put this aside for a couple of weeks and then read it again!. Then do some revising, paying particular attention to the rhythmic pulse and to expanding your ideas into something stronger!. Right now it is about a 2 1/2, but the potential is there for much more!. Keep working on it!. Www@QuestionHome@Com personally with poetry I think as long as you feel it has importance/meaning than it doesn't matter what other people say if you alone think it needs to be fixed then do it yourself because one you tell another person to help you even if its just a phrase taken out or put in then it's not entirely your work afterall is it!. Nevertheless I give it a 4Www@QuestionHome@Com |