Position:Home>Poetry> I am in desperate need of someone to proof read my scholarship essay. Here it is
Question: I am in desperate need of someone to proof read my scholarship essay!. Here it is!.!?
The year was 2004 and it was my High School's graduation ceremony!. I sat with my classmates in the school's auditorium unaware of what the future may hold for me!. Until that time, I never thought about the future!. All I knew was that the struggles my family went through to come to this country and find work made me more confident and ready too accomplish my goals of exploring the world and its various cultures!.
Fortunately, I have great parents who have taken me to different countries to explore an array of various cultures!. In Paris I was inspired by the Eiffel Tower; in Spain we stayed in Madrid and I witnessed a bull fight!. My uncle owns a wine vineyard in Italy and I was given the opportunity to taste the grapes that grew near his home!. Rome was historically mystifying; stepping into the coliseum where many important events took place captivated me!. I saw how the hard work of my parents enabled me to experience the world!.
My parents struggled to save for me and my three siblings so we could be provided with things that were never available to them!. My mother was an indentured servant practically since she was born!. Her family could not afford to raise her and felt she would live a better life being a servant to a wealthier family!. She was not taught to read or write, and her sole purpose was to cook and clean!. My father’s hard work and my mother’s drive to learn despite her suffering truly inspires me
My major is Political Science and I enjoy it simply because I know that I can use it to make a difference and enable me to help those in need!. Together with the support of my parents and my experience at Lehman College it has made me see that knowledge is the key to success!. Studying abroad in Athens Greece would help me deepen my academic and personal understanding of classical greek culture!. Greece is the birth place of democracy; it has a compelling history of government!. Being that I am a political science major given the opportunity to study there and learn more about its past would be a most rewarding experience !.After this study abroad winter session I intend on pursuing a career in immigration law!. I have gained some prior knowledge in politics through my internship with the New York State Attorney Generals Office as a mediator working with people from many cultures!.
It would be an honor to receive the STOCS Scholarship!. I am a hard working individual who has so much potential and I strive for success in whatever I do!. Attending college has strained my family’s finances, but luckily they recognize the importance of my education!. This trip to Greece would be a learning voyage for me and will allow me to utilize my education and interpersonal skills!. Thank you for your consideration!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
You should!. perhaps, double space it or put breaks between paragraphs!.
I find it is very difficult to proof, and I have proofread a fair bit in my time!.
As for content I think you have done well, And I would definitely consider you for the selection process!.!.
I did find 3 or 4 errors
Good Luck!
Below is my edited version with corrections for you to see!. They are not easy to spot!.
**************************************!.!.!.
The year was 2004 and it was my High School's graduation ceremony!. I sat with my classmates in the school's auditorium unaware of what the future may hold for me!. Until that time, I never thought about the future!. All I knew was that the struggles my family went through to come to this country and find work made me more confident and ready to accomplish my goals of exploring the world and its various cultures!.
Fortunately, I have great parents who have taken me to different countries to explore an array of various cultures!. In Paris I was inspired by the Eiffel Tower; in Spain we stayed in Madrid and I witnessed a bull fight!. My uncle owns a wine vineyard in Italy and I was given the opportunity to taste the grapes that grew near his home!. Rome was historically mystifying; stepping into the coliseum where many important events took place captivated me!. I saw how the hard work of my parents enabled me to experience the world!.
My parents struggled to save for me and my three siblings so we could be provided with things that were never available to them!. My mother was an indentured servant practically since she was born!. Her family could not afford to raise her and felt she would live a better life being a servant to a wealthier family!. She was not taught to read or write, and her sole purpose was to cook and clean!. My father’s hard work and my mother’s drive to learn despite her suffering truly inspires me
my major is Political Science and I enjoy it simply because I know that I can use it to make a difference and enable me to help those in need!. Together with the support of my parents and my experience at Lehman College it has made me see that knowledge is the key to success!. Studying abroad in Athens Greece would help me deepen my academic and personal understanding of classical Greek culture!. Greece is the birth place of democracy; it has a compelling history of government!. Being that I am a political science major given the opportunity to study there and learn more about its past would be a most rewarding experience !.After this study abroad winter session I intend on pursuing a career in immigration law!. I have gained some prior knowledge in politics through my internship with the New York State Attorney General’s Office as a mediator working with people from many cultures!.
It would be an honor to receive the STOCS Scholarship!. I am a hard working individual who has so much potential and I strive for success in whatever I do!. Attending college has strained my family’s finances, but luckily they recognize the importance of my education!. This trip to Greece would be a learning voyage for me and will allow me to utilize my education and interpersonal skills!. Thank you for your consideration!.
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