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Question: My poem: will you give me your opinion!? Honesty appreciated!?
please, have a read!.
inspired by a person very close to me spiralling downwards into something i didn't even understand!. it's quite interpretive, and very personal- but i thought i would share it with you all :)
Opinions, please!.
duty in one hand
temperament in the other
soaked in cigarettes and asymmetric corners
dazzled, traffic-light-eyes and a cracked complexion
how can you be permissive when you’re dead!?
well into the ecstasy
mocking, untarnished and synthetic
and now you’re in the sky with diamonds
whilst dancing with the enemy
and sleeping with the predator!?
once a blue-eyed bubble boy
a casket of book stripped knowledge
and quirks that provoked half-smiles
I watched your lullaby rot and wrench
through a window of choked hope
glitterglue sparkles on your supple tongue
porcelain frays the swollen lips
of a rough and tumble man
it’s 16pm, the night unfurls into a listless sunrise
and your lying in a pool of unfinished business
morning drags itself from your peripherals
a smorgasbord of curious yellows and pale reds
the leaves exploit their concrete underlay
and you know as the day arrives
that dad was right
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It's very well written - and very evocative!. I love the rhetoric feeling to the questions you ask in the first and second verses and the way the ending is almost accepting of the situation regardless of how painful it is!.
Keep at the poetry :)Www@QuestionHome@Com
Wow, how heart wrenching!. Your poem is the potion of perfection, but I am so sorry for your loss, and sorry it had to be a loss because of this!. So terrible!. I see you don't really believe in God, but God Bless You from my heart just the same!. Know that though I don't know you, I am thinking of you and your family and hope, from the bottom of my heart, the absolute best that I can!. Good luck to you all!.
P!.s, your poem kicks ****!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
let me preface my answer with i'm not usually a big fan of extensive imagery!. but in this case i don't see how you could have said it any different!. touching!. you can read this and though we don't know the circumstances we're right there with you!. the last verse is powerful!.
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Wow this is great!. I love the imagery and the overall feeling of the poem!. I think you really get your point across!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Superb, it speaks of mind Www@QuestionHome@Com
okWww@QuestionHome@Com
Dad was right!? Meaning- "War is Hell"!? I see this innocent kid trying to fight for his country, or whatever he believes is right!. Yet, the longer he engages in fighting for the right, the wrong is encompassing him, slowly, without him immediately recognizing it!. Too late! His body has been put through the wringer!. His soul, too!. His unfinished business!? Is this "blood"!? Perhaps the loom of death waiting for him!? Or, is he lying in wait to "snipe" someone!? I can see lots of possibilities as to the meaning of the whole work, but as you say, it is open to individual interpretation!. Nonetheless!.!.!. good imagery!. Keeps the mind working!. Sad message, though!. But the truth of war/fighting, is always a sad thing!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
Its a poem telling drug users its a better life out there than what they are living, I am watching my brothers being on drugs today and its hard to watch someone that has addiction to drugs because we know that one day its going to end their life here on earth but at the same time we pray that they will see that isn't the life they deserves!.I am also have an addiction, I smoke cigarettes, my children watches me slowly killing myself by smoking!.I am tring to quit, but its very hard!.Www@QuestionHome@Com