Position:Home>Poetry> Colors, rate on a scale 1-10, thanks?
Question: Colors, rate on a scale 1-10, thanks!?
Colors
All my life things have been the same
I try to achieve my fame
The things I want are in my sight
But something wrong, the shadows are white
As far as I know the grass is green
Or could it be a tangerine!?
My life is appalling
I feel like I have been crawling
To my knowledge the sky is blue
Or could it be as clear as the morning dew!?
I am heading in the wrong direction
Eaten alive by the infection
I haven’t seen much, but snow is white
Or could it be as black as the night!?
The night I never sleep in
When I think about where I’ve been
When you take more than your ration
When you forget your passion
When you have given up and fled
Blood still runs red
Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Great line: But something wrong, the shadows are white!.
Could this be about using dope!? The long slow after effects that change your perceptions; hallucinations!? dreams!? memories!?
You have some terrific lines in your poem!. Beauty captured by your words!.
T!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
That was very nice, but U did asque 4 a numerical rating, so here we(U) go!.!.!.
7!.5
U go guy(poetically)!
Timothy
:o)Www@QuestionHome@Com
I'd rate you 8! good job! =))
your opinions!?
http://uk!.answers!.yahoo!.com/question/ind!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Are you serious!? If you want to hear my honest opinion!.!.!. well, I think it was very entertaining!. You made me happy today!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
4 1/2-
This has lots of potential!. Please accept this criticism in the light it was intended!.
Your rhythm is off!. Count the beats between rhyming words!.Tweaking the stanzas to fit the pattern you desire is simply done!.
Some of the words you've chosen are clumsy and awkward!. (i!.e!. "The night I never sleep in" doesn't flow, "infection" is unfitting, "a tangerine"- do you mean the color or fruit!?)
I like the idea- Things are not as this person had believed them to be and he/she is confused, remaining stagnant when the person in question is attempting to accomplish a goal!. Fame!?
The blood runs red comment- While that stanza in and of itself is clear, your set up isn't!. It took me a while to disentangle the meaning of the above (and I'm still not %100 on that!.)
There's no flow to it, but you can fix it!. You have lots of raw talent, as far as I can see!. :)
Good luck!. Www@QuestionHome@Com