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Question: Comment and critique on my poem!!?
An awkward love song:

In my memory you will always be,
But in my heart you’ve been replaced!.
I never thought I’d get over you,
But once I gave into the thrills,
The randomness of life,
I met another,
Sweet and kind;
Loving; all mine!.
When he holds me in my arms,
The world, it disappears,
I love him now,
And you, no more!.
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I think you have a good grasp of what makes free verse work!. I love the title as well!. I don't see the advantage (in fact think it hurts the poem) to twist the syntax like you do in line one!. At first it seems like you did the same in line ten but that could be fixed by taking out the comma and the word "it"!. In line four, I think the word "once" distances the reader from the experience unnecessarily!. Good work, excellent level of impact from few words!. That's what poetry is all about!. Keep writing and keep getting better, that's all any of us can do!. We never get perfect!. lol

I'm guessing that line nine has a typo, "my arms" doesn't seem to make sense but "his arms" would!.
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how about this one!?

I know you're out there
They think you're nowhere
But like the air, the love is there
the faith is born, the sign is clear

I know I've seen your face
So, where are you in this place!?
I felt you in my soul
I need your miracle

Why don't we go
into the light together!?
I'll be your feather, I'll help you fly
I'll watch you soar, Won't let love die

I know that you exist
I reminisce, a past life, a first kiss
before rejuvenation, a declaration upon your lips
but to the mist you were dismissedWww@QuestionHome@Com

Ouch! That is a BOMB poem!.
Wow! The way you compared the two -really good!.
Kudos :)Www@QuestionHome@Com