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Position:Home>Poetry> Another poem for you to comment and critique!?Question: Another poem for you to comment and critique!!? Love is not a simple thing,
Sometimes it helps you learn to fly, Yet other times it brings you down to earth!. Love does not cost a cent, But still sometimes you pay the price!. When your mind is screaming danger, Sometimes the heart moves in fast forward!. Love is not a simple thing, Yet it is worth the complications, For when you love you find a way, To make all things seem good each day!Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: You're correct!.!.!.love is not a simple thing!.!.!.and as such, you need to find a way to show us "why" it's not a simple thing!. When you write a poem about love, you need to understand that it is probably the most widely written about subject!.!.!.and yet nobody's ever been able to say everything about love in a single poem!. So, the good news is that there is room for improvement!.!.!.the bad news is that you need to find a very fresh way of looking at it!. You start out well with "sometimes it helps you learn to fly"!.!.!.which is a parallel to the much used "love gives us wings" metaphor!.!.!.then you go on to say, "yet other times it brings you down to earth"!.!.!.why!? we all understand why it makes us want to fly, but what aspect of it brings us down to earth (Earth!.!.!.you should capitalize it when you're speaking of the planet and not just dirt)!? You make summary statements such as "it is worth the complications"!.!.!.but you don't say "why"!. For example, if you said, "the potential to lose your love brings anxiety and pain, yet the pleasure gained from sharing a single kiss makes it all worthwhile"!.!.!.then we'd know you mean that the pleasure of a kiss was what made it worth all the trouble!.!.!.or it could be the security of another soul that looks out for you!.!.!.something, but you need to "show" us what it is, otherwise it's just an opinion!. So, what you have is a good "draft" or "outline"!.!.!.the next step is to consider whether you should develop it or start over!. Sometimes it's best to pick just one aspect of something this big!.!.!.it could be the way someone makes you feel when they look into your eyes!.!.!.and write on that part of it!.!.!.trying to describe is like a fly trying to describe an elephant!.!.!.it's huge and grey, so you have to start with the tail or the trunk and take it in small pieces!. !.!.!.and thank "you" for asking for an honest opinion and not false praise!. !.!.!.keep writing!.!.!.you obviously have the passion and the guts for poetry!.!.!.so keep at it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com it is ok!. it could have a few adjustments!. when u say it helps u fly, it throws the topic off subject a little bit!. how about saying something more like "love is not a simple thing, you cant just buy it like a ring, its more precious than fancy things, and itll make your heart want to sing"!. it sounds nice!. hope that helped :)Www@QuestionHome@Com you hate black peopleWww@QuestionHome@Com |