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Question: Do you like my poem and what can I do to make it better!?
The morning wake surrenders my soul
And crosses the bridge I have built
Lingering only for tomorrows gloom
And hoping that I'll be back soon
For heavens doors will capture light
And singing angels spell words for me
Delirium drifting through the clouds
Wondering if I will see stars
''Patience my dear''
She says to me
And take my hand for we are upon the mountains
Cold air breathes
So silently
The hills of sand burn of ash
And trees of gold glisten golden light
Seedlings of time lost at sea
Autumn leaves float on deep melancholy waters
''Answer our prayer'', a voice calls
Whistling throught he mountians
Echoes ricochet like bullets
And the blood of the poppies thirst for oxygen
Hot haze of yellow in the azure aurora
Probes at soil, dry and cracked
Cells regenerate and hates flames burn once more
And the need for oxygen is greater than before
''Breathe'', she says!. Seeping air into my lungs
They slowly inflate with magical air
Sparkles of dust rain over my head!.!.!.
Am I in heaven!?
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It's a tough thing to try and improve on someones poem when it is a created thing from your own mind!. You are like God when you create a poem!.!.!. no one knows what you truly want to say unless you make it clear!. I liked your poem very much!.
Always sign, date and place the copyright symbol ? when you complete a poem!. If you don't want to use your real name, use a pseudonym!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
Wow!. That's real good, you have a great talent with words, great descriptions too!.
keep the poems coming = )Www@QuestionHome@Com
very clicheWww@QuestionHome@Com
That poem is great keep writing!:DWww@QuestionHome@Com
i love it!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's either to hard to follow or beyond me, some of it doesn't make sense!.
Leave out and, just use take my hand!.!.!.!.!.!.
How does cold air breathe!?!?!?
Whistling throughts he mountains, what does that mean!?!?!?
Trees of gold glisten golden light, (too much use of gold)
What is a melancholy water!? How does water become melancholy!?
Seedlings of time should be "of a time"
Poppies have blood!?
Hot haze of yellow in the azure aurora !?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Cells regenerate and hate flames burn once more, What is a hate flame!?!? leave out the hate!.
Sparkles of dust, try gold dust or gltter!.
You asked for a critique, that is mine, no offense intended!.
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