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Question: How's this poem!?!?!? ur honest opinions again!?
the tears are really flowing now
it's getting hard to breathe
i always knew that i might die
if you ever had to leave

the darkness closes around me
the voices all seem to fade
even if i could speak
no words could describe the pain

i lay there slowly drowning
my entire body is shaking
this must be how it feels
when your heart is breaking





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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Very descriptive!. It shares pain without imparting it and I really like that!. I might shore up the punch on the meter in a few spots!. For example now the beat falls on not in "words could not describe the pain"

Here are a few suggestions!.!.!.still not sure I like or do not like the 2 coulds in the middle verse!?!?!?

the tears are really flowing now
it's getting hard to breathe
i always knew that i might die
if ever you should leave

the darkness closes 'round me
all voices seem to fade
even if my tongue could speak
words could not describe the pain

i lay there slowly drowning
my entire body is shaking
this must be how it feels
when your heart is breaking

Www@QuestionHome@Com

I could feel the pain in that poem!. Its so deep to me because that's how I feel at the moment!.!.!.well anyways, I love that poem!. Even if i never experienced that feeling before I could have felt the feeling anyway!. Here's some advise!. If you wish to be a great poet, type correctly!. Not saying you suck at spelling, I just mean capitalize and put some periods so people can stop and feel what your saying!. Great job and keep on writing!Www@QuestionHome@Com

You did a great job!.!.!.my response!.!.!.

SORROWS JOURNEY

Seize your tears
Inhale a deep breath
For you are alive
Carry on!.!.!.

Open your mind
See the light
For life is!.!. Never!.!.
a ending Flight

Hold your head High
Walk with confidence and pride
Let your heart beat whole!.!.once again
Taking in life, no bitterness and recentmentWww@QuestionHome@Com

Try putting in more poetry tools!. Things like alliteration, measure, metaphors, similes, or symbolism makes a better poem!. also, I is capitalized!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

Congrats, its pretty good but i dont like much of the first 2 sentences coz its sounds jus like a short song!.!.!.!.the rest is perfect !.!.!.!.very gud 4 a heart broken people!.!.!.describes it really well!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

very deep =)Www@QuestionHome@Com

That really was heartbreaking =(

I hope u feel better!.!.!.and it was a
very good poem

=)Www@QuestionHome@Com