Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> Good or Bad - My poem....?


Question: Good or Bad - My poem!.!.!.!.!?
The day is dark
the day is bad
i awake to the bark
of my dad
screamin' at mum
and at me
we try and run
we try to flea
my father searches
but cannot find
we are hiding
much far behind
in the morning he finds me
cuddling just myself
I can’t see
my mother is gone
i’m left alone
with my dad
i can’t believe it
he's so mad
what has happened
i don’t know
he told me to get up
he told me to go
i left that day
as he said so
i never returned to the place
never came back
too afraid of his face!.



I made this poem up and i want to know if it has enough emotion in it!?

- i wrote it from the kids point of view!.!.!.

By the way, I'm 15!.!.!.!. comments are welcome!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
from my point of view you can practice and write more poems cos poetry is all about being able to express your self clearly in a poetic manner!.im a lover of poetry so dont try to put things the way yhey are especially in this poem but instead use poetic words and you will see how you can improve your skills,the poem is good good luck!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

"I" and "My" would imply the poem is about yourself!. If it is not, then I would write in a different point of view!. I didnt find a great deal of emotion behind it, mostly because as you said, it is made up so I didnt feel too much within it!. It isnt bad, but it does need work

*Flee* not fleaWww@QuestionHome@Com

try posting your stuff on fictionpress!.net!. it's a pretty awesome site, and hopefully you'll get responses from people who are far more insightful/writers themselves!.
uhhh i hate all kinds of poetry, even published stuff, so i didn't try reading!. x)Www@QuestionHome@Com

for 15, you are very insiteful with your writings, Keep it up!. Its very good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

There is a emotion but not striking!. Will I think it is like a story telling!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It's a nice poem, but is it how you truley feel!?!?!?
It has plenty of emotion in it!.
Www@QuestionHome@Com

Why write a poem like this one!?
quote the raven, "Never More"!.
I'd rather read one that is bubbly and of sweet dreams!.Www@QuestionHome@Com