Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> Feedback on my Poem would be great?


Question: Feedback on my Poem would be great!?
Man and the Image

Pride and to pledge,
I’m living on the knifes edge,
Powerful Pride, wrath, anger confide you, must you see!?
Bow down and bestow he, he!?
Prove to he, because thy god is not in heaven!.
You see!?
Great and powerful, eyes dancing and free!.
Pride and to pledge,
I’m living on the knifes edge,
Powerful Pride, wrath, anger confide you, must you reflect!?
Honour and respect,
Loyalty to protect!.
Sounds of the digging,
In the dreams I’m told I’m always forgiven!.
Three at night,
Shadows that despair dark and light!.
Constant smell of smoke in the air,
Choking, blinded and I’m aware!.
Falling down the mental abyss,
Were ever I reach, I know this place exists,
Broken and mental, scared and gentle!.
Look through the bars of my prison,
scared, spared and imprisoned!.
Your not yourself, dead inside,
Your gone from us now and I hope you die in heaven!.
What he did he killed with glee,
Maimed and was let free,
He blamed in his mind, thee,
The prayer he did was wrong and he was somehow the key,
To do his bidding, killing and was forbidding,
He weren’t the God he was kidding!. Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
No, it is not crap!. There is a lot of really good poetry here; it just needs to be cleaned up a little!. (I don't necessarily agree with what you are saying, but that doesn't effect my opinion of your art!.) You should read Allen Ginsberg, especially "Howl!." I think you would like it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

its an absolute bag of Sh*T, give it up mate its crapWww@QuestionHome@Com

listen to ur inner voice as a poet u have little choice

ITS JUST GREAT



OH MY LOVING GOD!

Intellectual are my generations'beings,
Greatest curse on present day progeny,
officious,malicious and mercenary,
Cruel,lascivious,a class of humanity!.

This planet they call, a global village
Pray have some sense of privilege,
And upon the pedestal of man's remains
Pray do not make indellible domains,
Of time and space,yet to traverse!.
Make not this planet an aliens'retreat,
A symbol of monumental defeat!.

Our vision should not blind us,
Our ego should not devour us,
And leave our remains on a river bed,
But make for us a heavenly pedestal, instead!.


just remember
rememember that, me is, a girl in me;
we cannot make up our mind,
as hormones play havoc,
when we'r in the bind!.

we have to still show,love to u we owe,
or else u wont know,how our hearts' glow,
when we'r out and the world is ours,
its then our better half to u,
we can show dear,and do,
believe u me!.

mylove, my dear,at that blueish phase,endure!.
my hand is still there,my touch is yours,
your smiles are my loving possesion,
your presence is my very passion!.

4 ever,4 me a heart throb 4 all years,
i live with yee,remember this will thee!.

Title: Precious Time

Priceless Treasure



I am on the edge of the threshold ,with desire

Where can we alone in this wilderness meet,

As the air perfumes fill my nostrils with love,
As if holding your hands in my dreams,
A one time fantasy, a breath from younder
I pick you up, up in the air,
No one ever thought that such would happen,

Untill ur hands felt my hands,

Desire spilled from my very being,
Nothing remained but my moisty hands,
As I smelt my palms, ur face came up,

From nowhere,as a spring of emotion rose
At once I saw u in front of my eyes emerging,
As if from no where,as u know
It was then that Irealised it was u,Dear ROS


I AM

Since I am the cynosure of your eyes,
I am what for many a one cries I am your hearts' throb,
Your very very and very own breath ,
Your very blood and sweat,
Your true and very much your vision,
I am what you want me to be ,
A river,a stone a monument,
Or a lover at sea!.

I am what I am as you already know
What else you want from me !?

For I am what I am,as far as you
And god, my love can see!.
Hope now you will my sole,'heart'
Love, realy and truly love me!.


our apple tree


long long ago my friend did u know ,
the only tree that the we inherited was ,
an apple tree, as it did then as it does now ,
depict fruitfullness and human seeds ,
that grow from generation to generation,
and that message did the lord give,
to humanity, and today
we are the products of that hidden secret ,
we call,u know what ever it be!.

sitting beneath the apple tree,
einstein saw the worlds most secret vision,
a falling apple to the ground and later
scientifically,
he created his theory of relativity!.
as he enjoyed the sweetness of the breeze ,
sitting under the apple tree,
he created a science which today is knowledge,
all just sitting below an apple tree!.

Unsound Mind
do it just as u wanna do
thats fair,
hold the knife and turn him aroud,
thats what u should do,
imperfect folks who accept imperfection
only r perfect but alas,
Just doing what I must do
like one means an affair,
do what u do but do it right,
also take a second chance opinion,
do not rust but only trust,
urself in all situations
that only should be ur intention!.
hope it helps u!.

JUST REMEMBER ME
rememember that, me is, a girl in me;
we cannot make up our mind,
as hormones play havoc,
when we'r in the bind!.

we have to still show,love to u we owe,
or else u wont know,how our hearts' glow,
when we'r out and the world is ours,
its then our better half to u,
we can show dear,and do,
believe u me!.

mylove, my dear,at that blueish phase,endure!.
my hand is still there,my touch is yours,
your smiles are my loving possesion,
your presence is my very passion!.

4 ever,4 me a heart throb 4 all years,
i live with yee,remember this will yee!.Www@QuestionHome@Com