Position:Home>Poetry> IF poem?girls and women please read it?

If
If I was another girl
With a blond hair
And green eyes
Will you treat me
And Is this fair!?

YOU CAN DYE YOUR HAIR AND GET CONTACTS

If
If I was successful
Charming and talkative
And brave
Will my life be
Like that!?

YOU CAN WORK HARD TO LEARN HOW TO DO SOMETHING WELL

If I was rich
Strong and free
Deceive you always
Would you just
Go away
And never turn back!?

YOU ARE ALL THOSE THINGS IF YOU WANT TO BE!.
If
I could hurt others
Stab and play with
Others emotions
And laugh my heart
Till I fall
On the ground
And kick my legs high
Will this my luck!?

YOU CAN HAVE AN EVIL TANTRUM ANY TIME YOU WISH

If I could control
And spit
Never give a shi%t
To anyone
Will you hurt me!?
Without thinking
Twice!?
YOU CAN DO THIS TOO BUT WHY WOULD YOU!?
WHY WORRY ABOUT WHAT OTHERS DO!? WORK ON YOURSELF!
QUIT THINKING ABOUT ALL THE IFs AND START DOING AND YOU WILL BE MUCH HAPPIER!.!.!.AND YOU WILL NO LONGER CARE ABOUT SOME OF THE THINGS YOU HAVE WRITTEN HERE!. THE OTHERS WILL JUST SEEM LIKE A WASTE OF YOUR TIME!. Good luck!Www@QuestionHome@Com

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Stanza 1 - one hair!? That threw me right out of the mood, right off, and I had to push myself back in!. You do NOT want to distract your reader that way!.

Stanza 2 - If I were (was is a definite action, were is one as yet undecided)!.!.!.would!.!.!. (If was were the correct verb, would is still what would go with it!.)

Read your poem aloud, and you will probably find a number of things to change, which will improve grammar, understanding, and flow!. It's just a good habit for any writer, but especially for a poet!.

This has really nice organization and flow - if viewed as a draft, it is very good!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

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not really a poem!.!. more like a song
it's alright :DWww@QuestionHome@Com

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