Position:Home>Poetry> Do you like my poem? :) It's my first poem ever and it's for class and I
Question: Do you like my poem!? :) It's my first poem ever and it's for class and I'm really proud of it :D Please tell m!?
e what you think! The prompt was to write a poem about how we see a CITY!. Like William Blake's poem "London" if you've heard of it!
Please, any advice on how I can improve it would be great! I spent hours upon hours writing this so please be kind :) I'm actually really proud of what I've done :D
"An Unnamed City"
As I take a marble seat
My mind, it hovers like a cloud
My body still, my soul roams free
And greets each passing soul around
And through the windows of their eyes
I sense a presence caged within
A living question thirsts and writhes
"Why am I here!? How can I win!?"
A jazz musician tries with cries
Of notes that ring with hopes to know
But a homeless woman slowly dies
For in her search she found but woe
So as I sit upon this rock
My soul again returns to me
On stangers' hearts the light has shone
And all but happiness I see
Should I end it after the third stanza!? Thanks to those who help :D
PS And if you have an idea for a better title, please do let me know :)
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
You did a wonderful job on this poem; congratulations
you might want to consider a granite rock instead of a marble rock as rocks are not made of marble
and you have yourself sitting on a rock in the 4th stanza
with regard to the 4th stanza; it should summarize and reflect the first stanza !.!.!.!. run a spell check for the word stanger
great jobWww@QuestionHome@Com
oh my god, really for a first attempt, this poem is of amazing standards!
it is quite beautiful and the content truly addresses the negative aspects of most cities in general!. you have real potential and should be proud of your poetic accomplishment!
cheers:]
p!.s: and as far as i am concerned your ending is great!Www@QuestionHome@Com
In my opinion, I think it is an excellent poem!. My idea for a different title would be something simple like 'Soul' or 'The Beauty Within' because of what you wrote in your poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Mention the pigeonsWww@QuestionHome@Com
Well done!.!.!.you should be proud of it for your first attempt! Www@QuestionHome@Com
ENDING 'IS GONE'Www@QuestionHome@Com
wow thats pretty damn smooth for a first poem man lol
true story!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com