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Position:Home>Poetry> Any feedback on my poem?Question: Any feedback on my poem!? You have a unique exterior
You’re so fun to explore You can make mountains With impressive peaks You have a rugged surface That gives me a tingling sensation You have your own forests I love to chop your wood You have a clear path From your incredible summit To the main attraction The journey was worth it Just to catch a glimpse of your face I tried something very different!. Any help welcome ^_^Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: If you add another line it would be a sonnet, which is especially good since your poem is about romance (well lust)!. I just think that would give it more structure!. I'd also change the "You're" in the second line!. With the other lines that start with "You", the "you're" seems out of place!. I think the poem would flow better if you changed it to "you are"!. But that's just my opinion!. I like the description in this!. The natural imagery really works! I love how you end the lines with grand images like "incredible summit" and "impressive peaks"!. Overall, I'd say a good poem!. Nice work!Www@QuestionHome@Com There is a pleasure in the pathless woods, There is a rapture on the lonely shore, There is society where none intrudes, By the deep Sea, and music in its roar: I love not Man the less, but Nature more, From these our interviews, in which I steal From all I may be, or have been before, To mingle with the Universe, and feel What I can ne'er express, yet cannot all conceal!. Roll on, thou deep and dark blue Ocean--roll! Ten thousand fleets sweep over thee in vain; Man marks the earth with ruin--his control Stops with the shore;--upon the watery plain The wrecks are all thy deed, nor doth remain A shadow of man's ravage, save his own, When for a moment, like a drop of rain, He sinks into thWww@QuestionHome@Com It's neither poetry nor verse and it is pretty grubby, isn't it!. OK, so you tried something different; don't try it again!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Its different, but a little sleazy!. you have your own forest i love to chop your wood!. im sorry but what were you thinking :| Www@QuestionHome@Com Interesting!!! I like it really!. =) LovelyWww@QuestionHome@Com The first half seems pretty dirty!. Its pretty good!. Www@QuestionHome@Com This is good! It is very different too!. Read some Ogden Nash!.Www@QuestionHome@Com it made me giggle but it was a good giggle!. x)Www@QuestionHome@Com It's pretty good, but it sounds a bit sleazy!. Sorry!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com your godWww@QuestionHome@Com |