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Position:Home>Poetry> A day at the beach poem...after listening to a lot of advice..would you care toQuestion: A day at the beach poem!.!.!.after listening to a lot of advice!.!.would you care to comment!? The Beach
by Jonni F!. Laying at the edge of the ocean, feeling Atlantic's caress, sand like powdered diamonds covers me like a dress!. The strength of the waves restores my faith, the breezes ease my soul, the sun embraces my body, and once again, I'm whole!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: There is simply nothing wrong with embracing the beauty of existence!. Your words prove this!. Excellent picture!.Www@QuestionHome@Com The Beach Poem: My version So much to see So much to do At the beach, as I walk along the shore taking in the fresh air, along with the nature One should make sure they have the sunscreen or they can get sun burned!. A person can go swimming in the lake Other activities would be to go sailing One person can go surfing, water-skiing After these activities hunger will set in So a person can have a picnic watermelon, or lemonade!. Www@QuestionHome@Com Your "sand like powdered diamonds" line rings true and beautiful!. Great metaphor!.!.!.I think that's the device!. (I'm terrible at the names and definitions of poetic devices, sorry)!. But it was beautiful and brought back good memories of the oceans I've visited!. Thanks, jonniWww@QuestionHome@Com I like the image of the ocean vesting you as well as caressing you while you are lying there!. Strength of waves restores faith, Breezes ease the soul, Sun embraces body, And again you're whole!. A healing poem!. Thank you!. I feel the waves, the sun, the breeze, and I lie there too!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Very nice images hers, especially L3 & L4!. Look at the editing below for maybe another way of stating your words!. Lying at ocean's edge feeling Atlantic's caress Waves restore my faith, breezes ease my soul!. Body, embraced by sun, once again!.!.!.!.I'm whole!.Www@QuestionHome@Com The flow of the last few lines, I feel needs to be worked on, and seems to end abruptly!. I like L3 and L4, they are very pretty lines and paint a nice visualWww@QuestionHome@Com very nice imagery and a lot less wordy than some earlier works, I get "lay" and "lie" confused as well!.!.!. Lots of improvement here!Www@QuestionHome@Com its really good i liked the part of the sand like powdered diamonds but u can improve it more than saying covers me like a dress but its really goodWww@QuestionHome@Com I can imagine!. Just keep away from SHARKS, that is one way to stay WHOLE!. Very descriptive U made me live the moment (as an observer) :)Www@QuestionHome@Com I love this! The healing power of nature is amazing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Beautiful poem!. I really like it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Your poetry is improving!. However, I hope you were lying and not "laying" on that beach!.Www@QuestionHome@Com sounds nice I would give it two thumbs up!. keep up the good workWww@QuestionHome@Com Lovely and soothing!. I could smell the salt air as I read it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |