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Question: Judgement begins in the House of God; care to comment!?
Within the mêlée of this world I sought
Peace of mind my eternity I bought
Offering, my refusal to do evil
I sacrificed all by condemnation
It would surely bring a victorious end
Your enemies all condemned to misery
Awaiting the judgement of tomorrow
Burning coals I heap woes upon their sorrows
The still voice that I command now speaks
“Forget that thou also art a man”!?
I am undone, thou has seen my plan
You speak in my mind and know every thought
Were shall I now hide from thee
I am aware, you also know my heart
If I am not safe in my thoughts
The woes of man have fallen on me!.
Why do you not judge my deeds
And all the mercy I have extended!?
Your promise is to meet all my needs
Yet, judgement has started with me
I had forgotten, I sought your smile
That this life without you means nothing
My peace is only when you dwell within
To one day see your face; is everything
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Where shall I now hide from thee, indeed!. Great work AG!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I'd say a 9 on content, a 3 on meter, a 2 on rhyme!. Although you make some great statements this is not poetry, there is no music in its reading and the rhymes are random, Overall it didn't work for me other than the content and how you phrased your wording!. That part was excellent!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I like the core message, but in some way, this poem failed to touch me where I live!. This is rare for you, since I am generally deeply moved by your poetry!.
Perhaps you were trying too hard with this one!. Not to worry, there are millions of words out there to be combined into other poems!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think I'll take a swim in my diphthong!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com