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Position:Home>Poetry> Short Poem...Tell me what you think Thanks!!?Question: Short Poem!.!.!.Tell me what you think Thanks!!!? I awoke inside a dream whilst I was sailing seas,
Don't turn your back on me!. I'm a plain face human with a sticker on my back, It reads 'Take me back, please take me back' I love to death so I guess that's why we died!. I'm only in this room to hide!. Paranoid!.!.!.no you see I like keeping to myself, It's better then seeing anyone else!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: A mysterious and even partly a mystical poem!. Whenever the subject of a poem becomes death, it at once turns mysterious : because inspite of evryone knowing its effect physically, nobody truly knows what it is! it is a deep and dark cave, apparently, where one enters, and one can never come back!. One has to emerge from the other end ! The first line's mysticism is apparent!. The poet finds himself waking in the midst of a dream!. He is awake and yet physically asleep!. In that sleep-dream he sees he is sailing to far seas!. It looks that the poet has launched himself on the final journey on the seas of the dead!. He is requesting others, who are on the same journey towards the kingdom of death, he is even pleading with everybody to take him back among his loved ones!. In the next stanza another startling thing the poet says, ' he loves death and that is why he died!. But now having experienced him and his love, he wants to go back to the shore whence he came!. Thus he is making an effort to hide,!. he keeps to himself, does not want to see anyone!.!.!. It is here that the poet leaves us on a mystic point !. Is he going to discover his greater self and in a new space !!? You have a lot of stuff in you!. I suggest time has come for you to revise and rerevise and cross-revise!. This way your receptacle also will improve!. After all, you are writing poems to bring about a katharsis of your emotions ; but once you put up for others to see and critique, for them to understand and feel their emotions also, in tune with yours , the receptacle and the form needs polishing like did Lord Tennyson and John Milton!. I know you love music!.So bring harmony and melody into your deepness of emotions!. make your rhythm and rhymes more perfect!. this way you will probably post fewer poems to us !. But as Michel Angelo said ,' Trifles make perfection!.'Www@QuestionHome@Com I agree, it definitely would make for an interesting song! However, it changes pace really really fast, and there's nothing transitioning the different thoughts together!. Www@QuestionHome@Com Hmm, besides some very fundamental grammatical errors- it's a little passé and cliché ridden, non!?Www@QuestionHome@Com i love it but it would sound so much better if it was a song!. you could be a great songwriter and get paid big bucks :DWww@QuestionHome@Com hey instead of coming to yahoo for your poem try going to http://www!.deviantart!.com where it will be appriciated and critiqued at your desire!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I agree with pipherj!. Send this somewhere else!.Www@QuestionHome@Com can u make it start with roses are red, violets are blue!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |