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Question: I tried a second Partenza Represa!. Did I obey the rules!?
Echoes in Space and Time: A Partenza Represa
(A form created by Dawn Slanker)
by Elaine Polin
A world mysterious of rhyme
rhyme resounds in virtual song
song echoing through space and time
time for a new start, clean and strong!.
Strong are the hopes and dreams we share
we share our thoughts, our days, our plans
our plans to build with love and prayer
a world of poets sans demands!.
Demands for war, for land, for stuff
stuff stocking vacant hearts with junk
with junk, away! we say enough
enough! on rhyme and words we’re drunk!.
We’re drunk on Martian air enriched
enriched as none have breathed before
before we trod the stars, bewitched
bewitched by landing on this shore!.
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It's a wonderful and elegant poem with only one minor boo boo!.
"our plans to build with love and prayer
a world of poets sans demands!."
Your beautiful last line of the second stanza does not carry over from the line before it!. It is still a fabulous poem with a sentiment that we carry in our hearts!.
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Is this a tester - to see if we are keeping our senses sharp!?
!.!.!.!.!.well, I have examined this from top to bottom and inside out, nope cannot fault it!. A perfect Partenza Represa!.!.!.!.!.!.you've made it look dead easy, and I know from personal experience that it is not!.!.!.I for one, have written one - and that's it!. I retire!.
But, me being me, I have one little niggle!.!.!.!.
I'm wondering if last verse, second line should read
enriched as none has breathed before!? Is none the same as no-one!? Written as 'Enriched as no-one have breathed before' emphasises what I mean (I am now ducking in case you throw something at me)
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Shore, on the peaceful crimson sand,
crimson sand, memory infused,
infused with joy for our new land,
land that will heal our hearts abused!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
You got me at "a world of poets sans demands!" Very nice flow!.
hear my echo
the echo ringing!.!.!.
ringing though space,
through space ringing
I be Elaine, hear my echoWww@QuestionHome@Com
I like the structure of this form!. I shall give it a go if my muse permits!. Enough with superfluous demands! Great poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Superb as always!Www@QuestionHome@Com
This one is a march, funerial, at times!. Don't let them carry me along just yet!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
You obeyed all of them! This can be engraved over the air lock in the Golden Dome!. This form is so much fun!Www@QuestionHome@Com
A Martian martini, shaken-ed to stir our souls!.
Punctuated and inebriated!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Excellent throughout!. The second stanza is a masterpiece!.!.!.if only we could have this on Earth!.!.!.well they say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com