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Question: Ever met a Bat named Luc!?
About two days ago I attempted a Partenza Ripresa with this same theme, but felt I did the form no good!. I thought maybe I would try it again from the Luc-Bat angle!.

(For Luc-Bat info: http://www!.thepoetsgarret!.com/orient!.htm!.!.!.

Darkness (not Byron’s)

The deep darkness did fall!.
Finally slumber stalled no more!.
Thoughts arose from their core
Like ash above, they soared then died!.
My voice unheard, I cried!.
And then again I tried, but nay;
The words, I need to say,
Powerless on their way, took flight
Towards strange, distant light,
Then echoed back a nighttime Hell;
Inward my soul then swelled!.
Tolling of Iron bells then rang!.
Then a darker night came!.
With: thunder, wind, and rain that cuts
Large chasms’ out of ruts,
Valleys, canyons, your guts--a hole
Blacker than void and null;
A contrast of Sun’s golden air
Life no longer needs care!.
The end is now, not near or far!.
Remember where we are!?
As always for a star !. !. !. night shines!
And awakens the mind;
It is then !. !. !. , that it’s time !. !. !. , life crawls!.

All comments welcomed, word choice, ending, whatever; I've been fighting with this for two days now and I've become voice deaf (I can't hear its voice anymore), and I lost where it was going again !. !. !. I neeeed sleeep!.




















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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I Just read this several times,
Once I had got into the rhythm and flow,
I Found these words intriguing!.

Not an easy piece to write,
you pulled it off and made it your own!
Thank you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Not up on the structure although I did try to pen one and got reprimanded for slant rhyme absence!. I like this, a dreamscape as you told it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Well your word choice is all wrong!. Example: all the words!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Interesting!.!.!.not a form I'd care to try
Will return and read it again!.!.!.brave soul!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like it very much!. The theme is great and as far as I can tell you've done a great job on a very difficult form!. Don't feel bad about it taking a while!.!.!.my Luc Bat took a while too and I had trouble toward the end because I had run out of creative juice!. However, thanks to hypocorism, I ended up with a nice ending!. There were only two words that threw me off because, to me, they just don't rhyme!. hole/null and care/near!. Most of your slant rhymes work well with the exception of these two pair which stalled the flow!. Aside from this, I think it's great!. The Luc Bat is definitely one of my favorite forms!.
Well done :)Www@QuestionHome@Com