Poem I just wrote. What do you think? Criticism welcome.?

Question: Poem I just wrote!. What do you think!? Criticism welcome!.!?

Hello
I would like a daisy revolution please
and a free walk into heaven
to waltz with a girl and make hollow
promises amidst the gasps
to swallow pure ecstasy and shine in my
eyes as the sun
and drink from the cup and weep
in sudden understanding in the broken
moonlight!.
I want to pick the sunflower
and parade it around town
and shout out prose haiku
anything to the truck driver on the highway
so that they may follow me down
to glistening euphoria and yabbing
in the dark smoking tea and drinking it too!
I can see Georgia
and Russia too
so it goes!.
I walk with smiling dharma seekers young like
me and energetic with mountain scrolls
and paper bags
hidden in broad daylight between the legs
of capitalism
whilst winking shining laughing and reciting
poetry to the mind drunk!.

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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Honestly, this is excellent! I loved the flow, the metaphor, the syntax, the theme, and everything! Plus, I enjoyed the style!. Based on the writing style, it reminds me of beat poetry!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wow that is a great poem!. I really like the word yabbing!. I found the Georgia and Russia reference disconcerting, but I am sure when that conflict is next weeks news it won't be a problem anymore!.

Thanks for showing me your poem!. It's great!Www@QuestionHome@Com

A poem that rhymes more would help!. It will flow better!. also you used TOO, too twice close enough together that it sounds weird!. Other than that its was great!. I love the words you used!. They were soft and added much detail to the poem!. Good Job!!!!

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I like it!.
Very long sentences (or whatever they're actually called!)
you might wanna think about making the *sentences shorter!
But overall it is really good! Www@QuestionHome@Com

I get a definite flavor of the 60's hippies when I read this!.!.!.that alone says it's fabulous in its ability to transport and present such colorful images in the mind!. Very Good Work!Www@QuestionHome@Com

i do like it!. it seems like you put alot of hard work and effort into it!. your deff!. talented!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Pretty good!. I am a little confused I will admit!.
But I enjoyed the fact that I could see what you were talking about in my head!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

it reminds me of a personal experience!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Itz awesome!. =] Good jobWww@QuestionHome@Com

prose haiku:

small pool

poet flings boulder

big splashWww@QuestionHome@Com

that was okWww@QuestionHome@Com

love it

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