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Position:Home>Poetry> Another peom ,i want honest answers plz,,what doyou think?Question: Another peom ,i want honest answers plz,,what doyou think!? Nice journey life is Without tears days are And I will still believe In hope One day I will have my faith again In you and me In our days together we will laugh There will be no tears There will be no chains Surrounded my ankles And I will be yours No matter how far I got away from you It’s the legend We will drift Together In the same sea In heaven I look out the window And see myself alone Walking down the streets I just see my back And past Is gone Future Is so ashy to remain I sit again Assuming I could sit And look at the sky As I hunger death Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Life is a nice journey Although we have tears and sorrow,and angry thaughts still hope keeps us alive So I still believe One day will have my faith again, in you and I in our days together!. Will be no tears or chains surrounding my ankles We shall laugh and I will be yours no matter how far apart, we are It's the legend we will drift together in the sea in heaven Look out my window, see myself alone, walking down the streets, past is gone, future is so ashy to remain!. I sit and look at the sky as I hunger to go up to heaven!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Poetry is known for being cryptic, but there is a different between cryptic and just not making sense!. I liked some of the lines "there will be no chains surrounding my ankles" Love, to me, is like a prison!. No matter what, you can't escape!. Although love can be good, it can be fierce, so I understand the poem, but there are many lines that it could do without!. Www@QuestionHome@Com first part is good each line is to short put it a bit together I didn't like this ''Surrounded my ankles'' that is in past tense and the poem is in future tense it should be ''Surrounding my ankles'' the end is good but does not go well with the beginning overall I think it is good I can't write like that Www@QuestionHome@Com Wow, this poem is so, wow i just don't know how to describe it!. Even if i did find the words to describe it it wouldn't even been to flatter it and the art of it by the artist, you the writer!. All i can really say is it is inspring in a deep kind of way, it makes you think!. Www@QuestionHome@Com A little sad- and not really to my taste these fractured lines put your schizoid tendencies on public view!. Overall a quite evocative and interesting piece of work I like it!. Should not the last line read "AS I HUNGER 4 DEATH" !?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Www@QuestionHome@Com I like it!. Perhaps substitute "misty" for "ashy"!. Read through it!. There are just one or two typos, but keep at it!. I think you're on to something!. Well done!. Good luck Mike BWww@QuestionHome@Com I am a bit old fashioned and traditonal so it's not me; but be yourself and express yourself as you think fit!. If you like it that's the most important thing!. Keep writing!Www@QuestionHome@Com no rythym at all,,, very herky-jerky read it twice, still cannot get a sense of what you are saying,,, what is "ashy" !?Www@QuestionHome@Com Very good, somewhat depressingWww@QuestionHome@Com Wow! That was so deep and sad!. Yet with feeling toward someone wanting to find happiness!.Www@QuestionHome@Com AWSOME keep writing and some day you will be famous!. Www@QuestionHome@Com i wouldnt know im a 7th grader but i think it sounds nice^_^Www@QuestionHome@Com *sniff* i like it!. :)Www@QuestionHome@Com Trite!.Www@QuestionHome@Com TWISTED and I LOVE IT!Www@QuestionHome@Com great but kinda gloomy!Www@QuestionHome@Com pretty good ;) Www@QuestionHome@Com kinda darkWww@QuestionHome@Com i like it =] good job!.Www@QuestionHome@Com you'd better work on the structureWww@QuestionHome@Com I cant lie!.!.!. its weirdWww@QuestionHome@Com its epic!. ^_^ i like it!Www@QuestionHome@Com |