How's this for a love poem?

Question: How's this for a love poem!?

THE DAY THE SUN REFUSED TO SHINE

The day the sun refused to shine
Was the day you said you were no longer mine!.
That day the rivers all dried up
And all the plants and flowers wilted!.
The coffee soured in my cup
With the news that I'd been jilted!.
I took me sadly to my bed
And vowed that I would live no more!.
A hard black stone be laid at my head,
To tell what grief from love I bore!.

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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

I like the images and rhymes!. Perhaps revising the lines to keep a beat pattern would help to make this shine more!. Your first 4 lines are: 8,11,8,9!. Just a thought!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Set it to music, sing it through your nose and you can have the next great Nashville country hit!.

Seriously, nice poem!. Unfortunately I can identify with it for parts of my life!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Very good!. Worth rereading!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I actually really good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Reminds me of GreensleevesWww@QuestionHome@Com

its really good!
but keep the rhyme scheme consistent!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It's pretty darn good =] !Www@QuestionHome@Com

Ah, sweet memories of youth!Www@QuestionHome@Com

good job! :D Www@QuestionHome@Com