Any ideas on what to add to my love poem ?

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Question:

i wrote a love poem for my boyfriend but i can't figure else what to put in!. can you help me !?! i realllly want more in it but not sure wot!. it has to rhyme though!. here it is!.!.!.!.

how do you tell that special someone
how much you truely love them !?
are they the one you think about all night,
wishing you were holding tight!.
the one you smile when you see
with them, is the perfect place to be!.
the one thats on your mind all day,
they make your darkness go away!.
if all of this is surely true!.!.!.
the best way to tell them is "i love you!." <3

thanks a bunch !! xoxoxoxoWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Great job, you should really submit it to http://www!.papertank!.com and see what they think!.

I bet you could get a high rating for it on there!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Have you heard of syllables!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

Xoba, Here is how according to my humble opinion, and I hope I 'd be in help :
1st - Sort Ur ideas!. That 'd help U sort out Ur feelings, something like the following order : How do U feel when
1- U meet him !?
2- U R away from him!?
3- U go to sleep, and his picture is in Ur mind !?
4- U see him in Ur dreams !?
5- U have flash back ( memories) of all sorts such as in school, by the sea ,etc!.
2nd - Talk of each part individually, giving it what can U express in a poetic way!.
3rd - Don't lean to much on the rhyming so not to enforce words that doesn't go w/ what U wanna say!.
4th - U have to be in control of the rhythm, the beat of the flow, for if U loose it U loose the reader's interest in Ur poem!.
5th- Entitle Ur poem (give Ur poem a title), So to reference it easily !.
6th - stick to the main point ( of the subject), make the talking to 'him', the "them" pronoun inflict a distraction on the reader!.
7th - It 'd be better if U finish ( the closure) refers to the beginning!. some times the 1st line could serve as a last line, just to show how the flow of imagination is intact!.

Now try to rewrite it, and post it again!.!. Good luck ! Www@QuestionHome@Com

I am at a loss as to why you think anyone in the faceless and nameless masses can add to a love "poem" that you are writing!. Would it not need to be something from you and the emotions you believe you are feeling !? Otherwise it would be just some tired worn out cliches that do nothing more than provide a hint!.

If you need hints or words, then perhaps you need to examine the motive behind this bit of verse you desire!.

What you have written so far may well be adequate to the task of impressing the boy, after all, we are usually easily impressed by gestures of admiration!. Www@QuestionHome@Com