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Question: Critique!.!.!.poem for my girlfriend!.!.!.Puddles!
Hearts will separate with the blow of a kiss tonight,
I'm looking in your eyes, they are the deepest blue!.
I'm a sucker for blonde hair so you had me at hello,
I'm glad that I didn't go home with you that night!.

You see our love is like a puddle on the floor,
Everyone avoids it so it gives us our space,
One night could have ruined it for all our lives
But I decided to stay home!.!.!.you were to drunk to drive!.

Expressions flood in as the current begins,
I can't wait till we grow gray together on the beach!.
Our kids can play down all of the backstreet's,
Main roads are way to overrated!.

You see I've probably got cancer cause I smoke all the time,
But that's okay cause I've met the love of my life,
Soul mates is that who we are no that's to cliche
Let's just say we're in love like too complete strangers!.

I sleep at night's with you by my side,
I can't help but breathe in your burning perfume!.
Clouds gather as we begin to sing,
We're in love and it's not perfect,
But still it's such a beautiful thing!Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
As time passes you are becoming a good poet indeed !
I am happy that you have started develpping a distinct style of your own!. You are writing also poems fequently and you do not seem to have difficulty in composing one!. Your emotions are also more coherently put!. You have made a progress in the quality of your love!. You are ending with a positive note on love!.
you start by a physical description of your love in the first stanza!.
In the next you compare your love to a puddle, which is small and people avoid it !. But for you it is your inner space, your world, to you two alone!.
In the third one the expressions flood in, as the current of that love begins!.
Then comes the result of this beautiful love in the form of children!.
In the fourth stanza the love has truly progressed far down the line leaving the physical attractions behind!. We are old and also new strangers simply in love !
The last stanza has five lines!. it is the culmination the happy union of everything , - the physical, - we are sleeping together at night ; the vital ,- the perfume and the music of the song ; mentally and intellectually the poet has the sense to understand that it is not yet perfect, - psychic love ,but whatever it is , it is so sweet , so beautiful, and so very blissful moment in eternity !
Www@QuestionHome@Com

this is a very loving poem and i think your girlfriend will love it

GOOD LUCK ;)
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Lovely, she`ll love it!

sorry I can`t comment on much, I`m no expert!.Www@QuestionHome@Com