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Question: How is this poem!? Honest opinions!
I'm planning on becoming an author when I grow up!. I'm only 13, so they might suck, but tell me what you think of this one!. I wrote it for my nephew, Elijah!.
Little Baby
(this is COPYRIGHTED BY ME)
Little baby, Eli J!.
You’re always gonna get your way!.
Any toy and any place, anywhere and anything!.
You’ll be treated like a little king!.
Little baby, Eli J!.
There’s a few more things I want to say!.
We love you, we’ll say it loud!.
Even when you make that crying sound!.
With your little blue eyes, and your soft brown hair
You’re too cute for us not to care!.
Little baby, Eli J!.
There are some rules I want to lay!.
You can’t grow up, you can’t get tall!.
You’re gonna be great at the game baseball!.
I know you, you’re gonna love
Playing in the outdoor sun!.
Can’t date till you’re twenty one!.
Little baby, Eli J!.
Here’s a price you have to pay!.
You’re related to us, and here’s a fact!.
There ain’t no way you’re goin back!.
To the place called Baby Land
Where all you do is play in the sand!.
You’re stuck with us
But you’ll get your way!.
Little baby Eli J!.
If you like this one, let me know if I should post more!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Honey, don't let them discourage you!. You write how you feel and worry about the "rules of poetry" at a later date! I loved your work and think you should defiantly keep writing!. The more you write, the better you will get!. Every writer had to start somewhere and every writer had to learn how to write!. So you are fine!. I think this piece shows great talent and I knew by reading this that you are a new aunt or uncle and that you, your self, were still a child but you still loved this new baby and wanted to let him know that no matter what, he was loved and you are always going to have his "back"!. When he grows up, he's going to love this!. Don't change your work just to suit others!. Believe me, they won't change theirs to suit you! Keep writing! Please let me know when you have more finished work!. I'd love to read those, too!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's a bit cheesy!. Very sweet, but not very deep!. A bit contrived!.!.!.it seems you were more concerned with making the words rhyme than you were about making the content meaningful!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Doggerel is not poetryWww@QuestionHome@Com
How did you come up with this I am in awe!.!.!.!.!.!.!.I couldn't come up with something this boring if I tried for tweenty years!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
You’ll be treated like a little king!.
"You will be my little prince" ;-)
You should have used the word prince, this can also mean that you love your kid more than kids father, ;-) jst kidding, but means to the word!.
You’re too cute for us not to care!.
Cute is a foreign word for mother, for a mother kid is always cute and i suggest you make some other word!?!?
(All the above are only my personal opinion, i m not a poet ;-))
hehe!.!. rest is all your good hearty love that is in the poem!. :-)
May your kid be a real king in future!. Carry on!.Www@QuestionHome@Com