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Position:Home>Poetry> What do you think of my poem? It is my most recent, written just 2 months agoQuestion: What do you think of my poem!? It is my most recent, written just 2 months ago "Teardrops On The Sun" It's like kissing the darkness Shouting into air Everyone is around you But no one can hear Lets take to the back roads We can set out to be free We can run away But we will never leave We are so lucky to stay here In the darkness of all life Vibrant with gloominess Don't bother to put up a fight Put the end to your tears Everyone is around you But none of them careWww@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Another great one Mo, it sounds like it should be a song!. Great work!Www@QuestionHome@Com i liked it a lot! it has feeling and meaning, and was clever and creative!. i like all the metaphors and comparisons, and the wording was good!. but there are 2 things id say, if you want to improve it: 1) you were doing it in stanza's werent you!? groups of 4 lines!? if thats the case, you left off a line at the end (there was 15 lines total, not 16) 2) you might want to find some words that rhyme a little better, and make the rhythm a little more even, because it will be easier to read!. but it was still good as is!Www@QuestionHome@Com i like it alot tell me what u think of mine: http://ca!.answers!.yahoo!.com/question/ind!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Your poem would make good lyrics to a song!. But I hope you're not feeling that way inside!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |