Another poem for your consideration, comments please?

Position:Home>Poetry> Another poem for your consideration, comments please?

Question:

FLAME
The flame draws me and I
Swirl and whirl around it
Its colours dance in my eyes
Sing in my soul the warmth of life!.
I become the flame
Draw others unto me
Catching fire as they draw near
They dance too
In light and sparks that fly
Caught by the wind
Carried with new life
To kindle other fires!.
Am I the flame
That burns in them!?
Burns it still as brightly
As when I was first drawn to it
Swirling and whirling the dance of life!?

? December 15, 2007 Albert k!. Jungers All rights reserved

Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

I do not think a friend will mind if I quote something he once said to me!. "This poem is heady!.!.!.euphoric!.!.!."

He has an extraordinary way with words--and so do you!.

EDIT: The first two lines are tighter; it was also fine as originally written!. The change has been made in the files!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Lovely, my only suggestion, is that the first line!.!.!. ending with I, breaks up the thought of the reader!. Maybe move I to the next line!. I do love the ending though, reads perfectly!. As does almost the entire piece!. Great!. Stay strong!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like both versions!. I read them both aloud, and found the second one had a more dramatic opening!.
From what I read in your poems, that flame is still very much present in you!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

"Hi!",
I really like this one of yours!. Very picturesque!. and expressed well!.

WELL DONE!
Cheers : )Www@QuestionHome@Com

Very interesting and unique!. I like it! Unique is good because it is rare and rare is always good!. =]
Great job! I like ur style!.

Poetry=?Www@QuestionHome@Com

I do like the couple of changes!. Less is almost always better!. This is a very strong piece!.Www@QuestionHome@Com