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Question: Poem Titled *Broken* Tell me what you think!.!.!.I'll be posting more!.
**I posted this poem yesterday and someone ignorant had it removed because I retaliated to an insult she gave me!. I didn't even have it up a day!.!.!. thus I didn’t get a chance to see many answers, or to vote for best answer!. So I am posting it again!.( I wrote this for my fiance a week before I broke off the engagement)!.!.Wich was 2 weeks ago!.**
BROKEN
I reach for you, but can not touch
The part of you, I loved so much
With time passion has flown away
And empty words won’t make me stay
I give you everything you need – With nothing in return it seems
I feel disregarded – My soul is seething
The bonds of love are ever fleeting
You say you care – But you do not show it
This is not love – For I don’t know it
Three years have passed – I’ve had enough
To late to cry, my trust has sunk
To depth were “words” can not retrieve it
I’ll believe you love me when I see it
Break down this wall of things unspoken
Or we will end, and remain broken
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
This is a wonderfully put together piece!. My only critique would be in your 5th stanza!. You have a couple minor glitches in the 5th couplet/stanza (easier to show than explain)
Three years have passed---I've had enough
Too late to cry, my trust has sunk
To depths where "words" cannot retrieve it
I'll believe you love me when I see it!.
Minor nitpicking in a piece that is sterling!!!!
Well done!
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Sounds good -- to pine for a love that you refuse to give up!.
Would amend 5th stanza to read:
Too late to cry, my trust has sunk
To great depths that words cannot retrieve
Last line--to rewrite for more clarity and effect!.
6th stanza:
Or we end, and remain broken (till the end of time OR till eternity)
----so as not to end too abruptly!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
BRAVO!
A great depiction of a woman's heart shattering over time and creating a final goodbye to the one who ignored her!.
Very heartfelt poem!.
I like your rhythm and your rhyme!.
Do you do this all of the time!?
Please check mine out too!.!.!.
http://uk!.answers!.yahoo!.com/question/!?qi!.!.!.
Excellent!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Very nice job IF it was me I would change
you have You say you care -But you do not show it
change You say you care -But I don't see it
very good keep writing Www@QuestionHome@Com
I'm not one for poetry but that was really good!. You can feel it almost, definately keep em coming :)Www@QuestionHome@Com
Very fine!. I have felt this way about my marriage!.Www@QuestionHome@Com