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Question: What do you think of this!?!?!?!?!?
this is what i wrote myself please tell me what you think and any ideas to change it thanks

Broken hearted
You looked her in the eyes
And told her you loved her
She fell under your spell
She put her faith in you
Then you told her
The words she dreaded most
You told her goodbye
You told her goodbye forever
Her heart was torn
And she was left shattered

Now a smile is no longer seen
Her eyes tell the story (can’t you see!?)
The story of her heartache
And still you don’t see her pain
She locks herself in her room
And late at night she cry’s

She relives every moment, (she spent with you)
How she risked everything to be with you
The feel of your body, your breath on her neck
She tries so hard to forget
She wants to let go
But she can’t

Just seeing you
Your eyes staring over
She relives all those happy days
She spent with you
But now is bound
To spend her days
Filled with misery
And heartache!.

thanks Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
hey! thats great!.!. I think you should keep writing poems so i can write more songs out of them!. The idea of becoming a lyric writer wasn't good enough!?!? lol!. i guess i'll have to make my own songs from now on!.
Im goin to miss ya when i leave!.

from Emmmaaaaa xxWww@QuestionHome@Com

I think this sounds like something that you put a lot of work into and my personal opinion is that this is a good poem and I think that you thought of this from the heart!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

well i like it!. reminds me of how most boys are jerks and dont give a **** about other people feelings!.

help with mine!?
http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

not bad!.!.!.you could even turn it into a song! maybe you should send it to some competitions!.!.thats really deepWww@QuestionHome@Com

Nice keep workingWww@QuestionHome@Com

wow! shiaatt, thats good!. :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

Aww thats heaps good =]Www@QuestionHome@Com

Sounds goodWww@QuestionHome@Com

I like it!. :)
It's really good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com