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Question: Home is my pasture,my friend poem !?
I’m going home to the place where
I was born
home sweet home
looking for another
my peacetime brother
away from city life smother
In the murmur of the breeze
Kindly voices there to meet
The moment you fell inside my dreams
I realised all had not been seen
Away from the cold steel grey skies
High rises with their dark alibis
Pallid faces with eyes of green
Tramways and buses
scurrying down the street
language of people uninviting
rattle, stomp
tramp of feet
marching to their own beat
I’m going home to the place where
I was born
home sweet home
I loved you in the morning
I loved the shoreline and the sea
As a gypsy on a horse
Heading to wonderland
Heading for rolling, rocking shores
I watch those waves
Come tumbling down
Making so many wondrous sounds
You took away my worries
Took away my frowns
Beneath somewhat tranquil
southern cross skies
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Ho, Lovely!.
You may want to change the last part to read!.!.!.
"Southern Cross skies" though, because it is a name after all!.!.!.
But technically, it is a sound poem!.
also!.!.!.
You may want to change the
"home sweet home" part to something else for over use of the term!.
Try something like!.!.!.!.
"Home wonderful home"!.
Or
"Home mothering home"
Or
"Home passive home"
Or any combination of such!.
Try to be original in all aspects to lend special value to your poem!.
Good work!.
Keep at it!.
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Effective, and moving!.
You may want to look at the tone of some expressions: "home sweet home" is a phrase that has been worn flat through overuse, so it doesn't belong in this arrestingly original, convincing piece!.
also "heading to wonderland" is advert-speak!. And why "somewhat" tranquil!? The word dilutes, and doesn't add!.
Mostly superb, though, and it gains on subsequent readings!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Iam not a expert but I like it !. I dabble in poetry as well and it is not too bad Www@QuestionHome@Com