Critique My Poem: The Girl from The Bronx

Question: Critique My Poem: The Girl from The Bronx

The Girl From The Bronx
Sweet and lovely
Has Dominican tan
Walking in short skirt
Showing legs
Beautiful and sexy
Has brim black hat
Pink high heels
And drawing whistles
Oh the girl from the Bronx
Sweet and lovely

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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

a nice and simple poem!.!. you have an eye for details!.and u have a very good ending in respect to your beginning!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

Some nice lines!. I think you could compress them a little further!. Sweet and lovely and Beautiful and sexy are ideas that the images should convey--try not to just say them!.

An edit like this perhaps (just an example):

The Girl From The Bronx

Dominican tan
Walking in a short skirt
Showing legs
Black brim hat
Pink high heels
Drawing whistles
Oh this girl from the Bronx

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