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Question: Terminals, Tours, HeartAche!.!.!.Poem!.!.!.Critique!
This one's about me and my band traveling and leaving my beautiful girl behind! Thanks! Do you think she will like it!?!?
I've got all my bags packed and I'm about to leave,
Will you come with me to the terminal!.
I swear this will be over as quickly as it starts,
Can I take your heart with me to wear on my sleeve!.
18 hours and I will touch down on a foreign ground,
I don't' think I can cope without you here,
I need the sense of being welcomed!.
I can't stand all of these unwelcome sounds!.
A thousand oceans separate our voices,
So When I call will you still hear,
The sudden drop of temperature,
As my heart begins to grow cold!.
I pinned a note onto a dove, but it just dyed!.
I have never been the one to cry in life,
But your heart's back on the coastline,
Maybe it's now not even mine!.
Only 24 days till I return home,
I've sacrificed everything to fulfill my dream,
SO When I speak to you again,
I will ask you if you were alone!.
Up on the stage I am surround by hundreds,
It's like a ocean that just doesn't feel right,
The wind blows my sails and I stumble,
I have never seen brighter eyes!.
I make my way home and I can see you arms,
30000 thousand miles high there you are!.
The terminal gate opens and I can breathe,
I feel your arms as the embrace me!.
So I published my thoughts for the world to see,
Up on this stage and through these notes,
I would love for the next tour if you would come,
Cause nothing feels like home without you by my side!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
As opposed to your earlier sad poem on love , this one has all the charm of reunion and fulfilment of love!.
The poet is going on a trip with his band for musical performances!. He is constantly thinking about his love whom he has left behind!. He even imagines at weak moment missing her too much , that will she be present when he returns !. This aspect of love in dobting comes from the fickleness in the character, which happens by theway to everybody, but here we must train our life-element or vital to remain calm and strong and believe esp!. in one's love!.
The reunion at the end is beautiful and sweet and memorable!. Lo ! one embrace and one lives for that moment in eternity ! Www@QuestionHome@Com
oh wow you write stuff like that!?
you play before crowds like that!?
I imagine you do, you are an awesome songwriter!.
I wish I knew your bands name I would go to the show!.
nice work!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Good song!. Why don`t you record your band singing it and give her the tape when you leave!. i think that would be much more mindful and romantic!.
Again, maybe you should have a chorus!.
I think this should be the chorus:
I've got all my bags packed and I'm about to leave,
Will you come with me to the terminal!.
I swear this will be over as quickly as it starts,
Can I take your heart with me to wear on my sleeve!.
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
I've got all my bags packed and I'm about to leave,
Will you come with me to the terminal!.
I swear this will be over as quickly as it starts,
Can I take your heart with me to wear on my sleeve!.
18 hours and I will touch down on a foreign ground,
I don't' think I can cope without you here,
I need the sense of being welcomed!.
I can't stand all of these unwelcome sounds!.
A thousand oceans separate our voices,
So When I call will you still hear,
The sudden drop of temperature,
As my heart begins to grow cold!.
I pinned a note onto a dove, but it just dyed!.
I have never been the one to cry in life,
But your heart's back on the coastline,
Maybe it's now not even mine!.
CHORUS
Only 24 days till I return home,
I've sacrificed everything to fulfill my dream,
SO When I speak to you again,
I will ask you if you were alone!.
Up on the stage I am surround by hundreds,
It's like a ocean that just doesn't feel right,
The wind blows my sails and I stumble,
I have never seen brighter eyes!.
CHORUS
I make my way home and I can see you arms,
30000 thousand miles high there you are!.
The terminal gate opens and I can breathe,
I feel your arms as the embrace me!.
So I published my thoughts for the world to see,
Up on this stage and through these notes,
I would love for the next tour if you would come,
Cause nothing feels like home without you by my side!
CHORUS
PS Why kind of band are you in!? Is it a rock band!? because if it is I don`t know much about rock!.
Do rock songs usually have a chorus!?
I hope I helped!. Have a safe trip!
Www@QuestionHome@Com