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Question: Jesus & Mohammad poem
Today I saw Jesus & Mohammad
Both smiling in kin
under azure skies
Giving each other a grin
Drinking at a down town Soho bar
Playing pool
Having laughs
Eating chocolate biscuits from a jar
Mohammad took Jesus’ thorny crown
And said why do you wear that crown
With your despondent frown!?
Why can’t you lighten up!?
Just give it the shove
Out the door
Lively up yourself
As we are both painting the town red
So cheer up mate
Enough said
Lets both rewrite history
With a peaceful shake
All under the one world tent
Lets both get rid of this word called hate
Its not really good fighting
As it’s not our mate
Why leave it up to fate
When we could all live and eat off the same plate
We”d all go shopping smiling on a holiday
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
i kinda like it :) it's light and irreverent and i love that they're eating chocolate biscuits!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I'm not a religious person but that was very interesting and well written! I like the possitiveness in it and the peaceful message, well done!Www@QuestionHome@Com

ooommmmm!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

haha!.!.!.!.was I wrong to find that funny!?!?

It's well written!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

You have a good concept for a poem!.!.!.I'm not sure you have fully developed it, however!. For starters, Jesus was the peacemaker and Mohammand was the warrior, not the other way around, so it would be Jesus saying "let's change the world, not Mohammad!. Plus, although Jesus liked his wine, Mohammad was against alcohol!.!.!.so if they were "drinking" in a bar, Mohammad might be having a smoothy, but not an alcoholic beverage!. It might sound picky, but image creation needs consistancy and recognition!.!.!.so your images need to either comply with the public concept, or you need to present it in such a way as to make a new image appear logical!. One idea might have been to have "Jesus" and "Mohammad" just be the names of two guys, instead of the actual historical figures!.

As far as poem itself, you have a few contrived lines!.!.!.for example, "kin" isn't used correctly and "lively" is an adjective, not a verb!. Your use of the same rhyme word at the end is too much!.!.!.you need to space out your rhymes so they seem accidental, otherwise they'll sound rhymy and more like Rapp than poetry!.

Again, you have a good concept and some good images, but you probably need to work on the execution a bit more!. The poem had a good voice and it moved along, it just needs some editing!.

!.!.!.and keep writingWww@QuestionHome@Com