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Question: Opinions on my poem PLEASE!!
I wrote you a letter on the back of a postcard,
The postcard showed you of this beautiful weather,
It's a shame that the image wasn't reality,
Cause it just keeps raining on this coastline!.
The sand is now mud and I'm trudging along,
So I picked up a stick and wrote you a song,
It told of a tale of heartache and despair,
As both of my finger break in your hair!.
As the wind picked up the trees they moved,
I'm looking towards the light of the moon!.
I'm comfortable enough to let myself go,
But till that day I'll have to let you know!.
Love is shipwrecked just off the coastline,
I can taste the air but I cannot breathe,
As I sail this ocean with my paddles of lust,
I crumble underneath these waves of dust!.
On your bedroom floor I can feel the current,
Emotions come close but torn away by a rip!.
I'm losing sleep as the bow starts to turn,
My heart is a anchor and your tearing apart!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It is not just 'ok', it is really good!. Lots of feeling, imagery and enchanting metaphors!. I had no problem with the rhythm, but I was sort of thrown off-track when I met up with the word 'coastline' the second time!. Maybe you could try to fix that part!.
PeaceWww@QuestionHome@Com
You had a few spelling mistakes!. To be a good poet you need to ALWAYS double check your work (otherwise people will think you are an amatuer)!.
As for the poem, it showed potential!. I have won four awards for my poetry, so know an aspiring talent when I read a good poem!. The main thing is to forget about writing poetry CONVENTIONALLY!. It does not need to 'ryhme' etc!. Just let it speak from your wairua (soul)!.
Keep up the good work (and remember to double check the spelling)!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
WOOOAAAHHHH!!!! OMG thats AMAZING!!! I kind of wish I wrote it myself, because its AMAZING and relatable!. CONGRATS!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
try to work more on rhythm, but i admire the feelings you put in this poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
~Wow, that is such a good poem!. Awesome poem, too!~Www@QuestionHome@Com
Not that bad! Good job!Www@QuestionHome@Com
WOW!!!!!!! unbelivble best poem i have ever read honestWww@QuestionHome@Com