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Question: Tell me if you like my poem :)
i was always made for you
as well as you where made for me,
the hardships we go through,
blind our love,
i scream to the heavens,
and tell them to turn our nightmares
into dreams,
in time the mist will clear
and the sun will come out
to great the new morning
and put the moon at ease,
and the path to our love will
be visible to you and i,
and we may now live in peace,
just as the souls that live in heaven,
and i shall be your guardian angle,
until our souls move on to the next world
where i shall meet you in the golden rays of heaven
and live in peace
ok i hope you like it ;)Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
The poem is "okay"!.!.!.there are several spelling errors though, such as:
"i" instead of "I"
"where" instead of "were" in line 2
"great" instead of "greet" in line 10
"angle" instead of "angel" in line 16
You also use a mixture of past, present and future tense and have commas where you might not need them (such as the commas after "though" and "heavens")!. You might also want to consider capitalizing at least the first word in each sentence so the reader knows where the phrase stops and the next begins!. also, be careful of mixed tenses in a single phrase, such as "we may now!.!.!.", where "may" implies future and "now" implies "present"!.!.!.pick one!. Finally, the concept of living in peace "just as the souls that live in heaven" implies that you're still alive, as does the following statement which says that your souls will move on to the next world!.!.!."then" live in peace!.!.!.what happened to the peace while living!? Or are you saying that although you'll be the guardian angel, your love and you will "not" have any peace while alive!? I think this is why your other commenter was a little confused!.
Overall I think it has real promise, but it needs some editing!.!.hopefully my comments will point you in the right direction!.
!.!.!.and keep writingWww@QuestionHome@Com
it gave me chills
was it supposed to be happy or sad!Www@QuestionHome@Com