Position:Home>Poetry> What do yall think of my long poem?
Question: What do yall think of my long poem!?
Ok, i wrote this after i broke up w/my fiance after we broke up!. It was 2 months ago and now that time has passed i wanted to see what people thought of it!. Please dont freak out, im ok!. Thank you
Endless Sorrow
You are the Rose I became the weed
I would never want to see you bleed
But I never even closed my eyes
Even when I saw you cry
The makeup that ran from your eyes
That spilt the truth how you felt inside
Just because you didn’t speak
Doesn’t mean your words were weak
Silence was just a better way
To say this will be our last day
I feel your pain, hear your screams
And now I watch with faded dreams
Alone in a world that’s cold to the touch
I’ll tell you I’m sorry, I miss you so much
And I heard your heart break with words I said
I now feel as though I’m better off dead
And though you might not care anymore
You still love me, this I care for
I’ll never stop loving you…
Oh what a life so full of pain
Sadness and depression, Pour down the rain
For then I can express my feelings and cry
And no one will know the rain is a lie
Up above I can truly see
The place that together we should be
But I am grounded cursed is me
Stole my wings and let me be
And now I fully understand pain
What’s given in life is taken and slain…
It’s so tiring to wait, to hope, everyday
That on this day you take me as clay
To say the simple words “I miss you”
And know that what you say, it is true
If death is salvation, why have life
It all but creates a sorrowful strife
And yet I ask does anybody hear her
Lost in a crowd, Life just a blur
Can’t you see we are both broken
See past our mask hear words unspoken
The burning hope that’s in our heart
We said forever we would never part
And in the end what makes me cry
Is that I never could say goodbye
People say to wait for tomorrow
But I must be saved from my endless sorrow
Tomorrow is too late for me
For now I want everyone to see
As I carve your name in this bullet so kind
All will know you were the last thought on my mind
I say goodbye, and now you know
I’ll love you forever, in heart and soul
And now I end my endless sorrow
No more pain, no more tomorrow
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Wow, if you didn't say you were ok, I'd have freaked out! :)
I think it really expresses what you were feeling well!. It sounds like a good healthy purge of all of that pain and negativity that you felt so strongly!. I think there are a lot of really interesting thoughts and ideas there and I like the way that you put them on paper (or computer)!. It's a really dramatic piece that I think a lot of people could relate to!. I think practically everyone experiences something that feels like they've been destroyed and feels like they are really imagining and weighing the suicide option!. Then you look back and think, nah, and after you experience enough things like that you just skip to the nah part!. I don't think it's too long!. If you wanted to do anything to it you could poss!. separate into stanzas that stay on a particular idea or theme, and poss!. make it a little more tight (not in the slang sense, more like concise)!. But the way that it is, I think, expresses the more raw and unedited feelings that you prob!. were feeling that brought you to that desperate point!. It also kind of makes me think of rain pouring down like you mention in you poem, to have the feelings in one steady stream!. Now I'd write one about recovering from this pain a stronger and more experienced person with a happier or grateful perspective!. The rain could bring flowers, etc!.
Best Wishes!Www@QuestionHome@Com
aw its really nice! i like it a lot!. u should answer my question http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index!?!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
omg that was amazing it really touched me i cant believe it iwas not expecting it to be that amazing great job keep it upWww@QuestionHome@Com
BeautifulWww@QuestionHome@Com
make it a little longer and uve got urself a kik butt song!Www@QuestionHome@Com
WOW!!! that's awesome!Www@QuestionHome@Com
10/10Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think that it is deep and filled with pain and sadness!.
Kudos, great poem! :)
Oh, hope your okay!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's good!.
Www@QuestionHome@Com
Good, but very long!Www@QuestionHome@Com
WOW!!!! that was O so very deep its a beautiful poem even if its a sad one good job i hope ur okay *<*Www@QuestionHome@Com
poetry is gay i think!. I got lost at "you"Www@QuestionHome@Com
its okWww@QuestionHome@Com
ahhh so much words!
but its good :DWww@QuestionHome@Com
!.!.!. wow!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
its cool and nice!Www@QuestionHome@Com
it is very long but goodWww@QuestionHome@Com
aww it'z soo kyoot(=Www@QuestionHome@Com
I'd say its really good and you should write more!. That's deep!. Congrats on making a good piece of art!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
nice i liked it alot good job Www@QuestionHome@Com
think i'll cut my wrists nowWww@QuestionHome@Com
very good, read my short poem
"No more pain, no more tomorrow"
Fuc the world with so many azzzholes
Pain and sorrow are part of life
Hope you get over them faster than shiit fly
Yes there will be a new tomorrow
To accept the world is full of azzholes
All you do is sit back and relax
Hopefully all the azzes get sagged
What do u think of my short poem!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
You know what!? Usually something that long causes me to get like a random A!.D!.D!. and I give up and stop reading by a certain point!. But that was a very heartfelt, very well written poem, and kept me reading until the end!. You are very talented!. I have learned that pain can bring out so much talent, oddly enough!. I have a book I am writing, literally, of the poetry I have written through the years I suffered from a deep depression!. I hope to use them to help others somehow!. But, I hope that if these are your true feelings, that you seek help!.!.!.!.feel free to email me if you'd like!.!.!.I've been there!.!.!.!.I've been so low before that I ended up in a coma!. I wont go on forever about your mental health and what not, but in case this poem is not just getting it out, and is a veiled cry for help!.!.!.!.!.people do listen!. Take care!.
Sorry I love to read poetry so much that I didn't even realize I skipped right over what you wrote BEFORE the poem and read it and responded then realized you said that was 2 months ago and you're fine lol!. Glad you are okay :)Www@QuestionHome@Com
wooww!.!.!.!.!.im usually not one for poetry, but that is really powerful, i love it!. but ur right, it could raise some questions about ur health, but u sound like ur ok if time has passed!. i hope u get over this, im sry about ur fiancee!!
http://smaltise!.webs!.com/index!.htmWww@QuestionHome@Com
OMG THATS AWSOME DO u reckon u can help with mine http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.
i need to write one for my friends party and i have no idea wat to write
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