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Question: What is your worth to your friends!?
Leeanna’s Song
By C!.S!. Scotkin

I need to tell you
of your worth!.
This earth will be a poorer sphere
when your leaving day is come!.

Your words have been truth
your vision
has clarity, crystalline sight!.
Banality, now heaven!.

Your ears always hear,
always attuned,
hear perfect pitch with discernment,
focused attention on all!.

Expanded my world
long ago!.
Love, friendship cemented that day
shall last, till we both are gone!.!.!.








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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
There is a pretty sentiment in this poem!. I did enjoy reading it:

There are a few areas you could choose to tighten if you wished (purely my opinion):

S1: You have a great opening line, and I like the internal rhyme you have going on!.

S2: I know you want to go with a 4-line structure so this suggestion might cause you to have to add another line!. Consider compressing the ideas:

Your words have been truth
your vision crystalline

Of course this would necessitate a new L3, and while I can see what you're getting at in L4 it changes up the tone you're setting!. You may want to smooth it out a bit!.

S3: You seem to use hear and attuned quite a bit!. Consider this type of change:

Your ears always attuned
hear perfect pitch
with discenment
focused attention on all!.

S4: Long ago may not have the power to sit on its own line!. Again nice sentiment!. You may want to rearrange it and add to L2!. One interesting thing you could do for a line break would be:

Expanded my world long
ago (and than figure out something to add here)!.

The interplay between expanded and long on the same line is interesting!.

Love and friendship might be better replaced with an encapsulating image!.

I know that's a lot, but it's a good poem and worth the time to comment!. I hope some of this was helpful!. If it wasn't please ignore!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

That`s very lovely!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I hope it is just this!.
Very nice!Www@QuestionHome@Com