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Question: Rate my poem if you really want!?
Serotonin
Your misery is pretend just like your smile
But your pain is real embraced by denial
Don't blame the world only yourself
For your emotional scars and your mental health
It was the ecstasy of thrill that drowned your mind
Ran from reality with no knowledge of time
At the edge of your life you found your soul
But your now feeling lost, again numb and cold
Now more does less and lasts for half
The demons are back you walk down their path
The higher you rise the further you fall
The impact hurts worse when it touches us all
You try to hold up what's already torn down
Like ashes to dust thrown to the ground
So you search for what is lost but so far away
Wanting not to be touched by the light from the day
The joy is gone with no way to return
Because happiness like trust is best when it's earned!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
your poem is so nice!.!.^__^ !.!. keep on creating poems that touches one's heart!.!. very very nice!.!. i loved your work!.!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
I really like it!. It rhymes, it has a good flow and I can follow it really well!. I liked the last part: The joy is gone with no way to return, because happiness like trust is best when it's earned!. You rock, you should continue!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
hmm im very sceptical !.!.!. make your poem smooth flowing an less choppy and make sure the message ur tryin to send is clear kk /\_/\ Www@QuestionHome@Com
YOUR PEOM ROCKS,ITS REALLY GOOD!.YOU SHOULD WRITE MORE!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
really good!. Not rhyming!. That is what I prefer!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
what a fabulous read!.!.!.love the emotions behind it!.!.!.great jobWww@QuestionHome@Com
over all it's a good start!.!.!.see where you are going with it!.!.!.the only thing is where is your imagery!.!.!.the rule of poetry is show me not tell me!.!.!.some of your turn of phrases can be a little clunky but strong!.!.!.I see real potental(sorry can't spell)
I love the title: Serotonin
This phrase!.!.!.it's like you start at this real high point!.!.!.Your misery is pretend just like your smile
I was looking for an image or a phrase to bring to the feelings above
But your pain is real embraced by denial
Love this phrase!.!.!.but the second line needs a strong imagery!.!.!.
You try to hold up what's already torn down
Like ashes to dust thrown to the ground
some of it was a little clique but like a said gtood start!.!.!.take another pass at keep you first line then tie us to it with imagery or unique pharsing of cliquesWww@QuestionHome@Com