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Question: I need help with this
I wrote a new poem; would you please rate it (0 to 10)
and make comments and critics cause I wanna improve!.

"A kiss from you"

They say!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
We can't see angels,
but I have seen one!.
And we can't touch the sun,
though I have done that!.
Because in just an instant
it brings me where,
not in my wildest dreams
I would have ever dared!.
I can see the impossible at this moment
touch the unreal at this instant!.
In my mind, pictures of a kingdom where,
Love is the rule;
and there's nothing there
to present a threat to our cheerfulness!.
Good things never lasts,
so it has to end!.
I wish it'd last for ever
but unfortunately it can't!.
But that kiss from you
in just an instant,
made me discover true happiness
and all its secrets!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
it does ramble from the main theme a little, you have a nice sense with your words, but there's a stiffness on using it still!. perhaps you're still working on finding out your own personal style, i can't rate any art works with number, either it moves me or not!. Yours, not quite though!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Im not that much into poetry, but I can tell you it needs work!. Ok surely poetry must come from the heart, but still i wasnt able to find anything deep in it that moves me to where yours words are supposed to be directing me!. I dont find it "publishable"!. It stays on the realms of a so-so greeting card!. Sorry if I hurted your feelings!.!.!.
I would have rated it with a big 6Www@QuestionHome@Com

IMO it rambles until you get to the point that it is a kiss that has brought about your emotions in the first part of the poem!. I suggest that you move some lines around to get a stronger point showing the joy and the sorrow!. I don't rate 0-10, ever!.
T!.Www@QuestionHome@Com