What do you think of my Very small poem?

Question: What do you think of my Very small poem!?

Short Lived By Tia Metcher

Rose bud blooms, withers and dies!.
I too, will meat my demise,

Spirit free from worldly malign,
Stars above continue to shine,

If only life could flow like time,
Life would always be divine!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Very good!. One small correction!. I think you mean "meet" and not "meat" in your second line!. The poem was making me hungry when i read "meat"!. Ooh it's almost lunchtime!. :D

What I like about the poem though is it's not just a collection of random thoughts!. Each stanza has relevence to the others!. Alot of amateur poetry fails to do this!. It seems people are hunting for rhymes and it ends up as a bunch of disconnected thoughts!.

Favorite line: "If only life could flow like time" This has a deep meaning and connects with the reader, reminding them that life isn't as consistant as the hands of time!.

Least favorite line: "life would always be divine" You have the setup line of a lifetime with the line prior, then basically say life would be great!. It's not horrible but I think this is where you could elevate this from a good poem to a great poem!.

Suggestion: Continue it!. Go about another 3 stanzas!. Include "short lived" somewhere!.

All just my opinions!.!.!. it's good the way it is but I'd play with it and if you can't make it work then nothing lost!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

it has a nice rhyme scheme, the only part i would change is if only life could flow like time i mean it fits in there nicely but i would think of a better thing that flows because for me time never flows its either to slow or to fast !.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It's very nice!. If you're really serious about it you should get it copyrighted before you walk into Wal-Mart one day and see it framed up nicely with someone else's name on it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

One minor comment:

Meat should be meet (otherwise it is too gruesome an image given the context)!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Galactica loved your little, so very descriptive poem! Was it getting close to dinner time when writing this cause of the word meat instead of meet! It gave me a chuckle! Keep them coming!! Cheers!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I always feel that for a river to be really interesting though, it needs some ripples and eddies!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It`s nice!. I love it, as you know I love short poems!. Thanks for sharing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Good job!. Nice!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

nice poem short and nice !!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Very Nice!!!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Good attempt keep it upWww@QuestionHome@Com

not bad, keep up the good work!. ;)Www@QuestionHome@Com