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Question: Cassie!.!.!.!.poem!.!.!.critque PLEASE!! thanks!?
A rose blooms as two lovers kiss,
And I relies that my heart doesn't exist!.
To love and to live what does it mean,
I capture the feeling and tear at it seams!.
I try to freeze a moment when I only matter,
But it's summertime so I just melt!.
I wish I could have told you with clutters,
Anything to let you know how I felt!.
I kiss you eyelids as they throw you away,
'To the dogs you go,' that's what they say!.
I'm sorry for hurting but I don't have a heart,
I'll be happier if we were miles apart!.
Like a frown I creep over you in sadness,
Locking away all the feelings you feel,
Don't be the clown, you can show your depressed,
So we can sti here and talk of what is real!.
Cause reality is sick and I'm stuck in my mind,
With a feeling of hate and a great demise,
Will it hurt so much if I take my life, (Don't be so stupid Cassie, I'm only kidding around!.!.!.!.)
Cause I'm hanging on for one hell of a ride!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Hello!. :)
There are some great elements to your poem!. I like the metaphor of the clown that you use in the fourth stanza, third line!. I also like the line "Cause reality is sick and I'm stuck in my my mind"!.!.!.the repetition of the "ck" sound there really makes the line stand out when I read it!. I think the poem would be better if you strayed away from cliche love imagery, such as the rose, and if you experimented with a looser style of meter and rhyme scheme!. When I first read your poem, it didn't seen like anything different from what I've heard before!. I had to read it a couple of times more to find unique elements!.
Keep writing!. :)Www@QuestionHome@Com
you have a lot of talent!.
it is a really good poem!. keep on writting!. maybe someday you will get to be famous for that! ;) your talented!
you rock!:P
please answer my question!. if you can!. i would really appreciate if you did!. because after all!. i answered yours!.
http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
i love the poem is asome but it seams to me that this person is teasing the person u love, u don't want t o hurt her and yet u want to tell her!.
is a nice poem i love it 100%Www@QuestionHome@Com
The rhyme scheme is whack!.
Otherwise it's dope!. also, is "one hell of a ride" a compliment for Cassie!.!.!.!?Www@QuestionHome@Com