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Question: Poem!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
what do you think of this i just wrote it (: plz if you can think of a good title for it!.
Beneath the shadows in the dead of night,
There is a place where dreams arent always right,
Beside the echoes are thoughts to tear,
Inside these thoughts lie her heart breaking stare,
Striking while your down and out,
Knowing that you'll never doubt,
Her love for you was truly real,
The shock in your eyes is hers to steal,
As your life borders to the start of its end,
She realizes now theres no need to pretend,
One last breath before she strikes again,
silent screams, she cannot explain!.
Anything left is yours to keep,
Nothing but the sound of eternal sleep,
Now she has got what she forever wanted,
No longer is he permanently haunted,Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Hi,
I like this poem!. Are you going to give it to the girl!?
Just a couple of punctuation changes -
Line 2 - aren't
Line 4 - heartbreaking (one word)
Line 5 - you're
Line 10 - there's
Line 12 - capital letter at start, and suggest removing the comma
A really good site for poetry critique and improvement is http://poetry!.tetto!.org , it's free to use and I've found it very helpful!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
If you are capable of composing this poem I feel sure that a title of you own choosing will come to you!.
I must say that I do admire you young people as you sit down and put pen to paper, (Or is that fingers to key board!?) and come up with quite acceptable poems!. I say quite acceptable because some are not quite well thought out!. However that is by the by as I thought that your poem was quite well thought out!. Only spending many hours at times re wording and re writing and re thinking will the would be poet submit an exceptional piece of poetry!. This is what we all hope to achieve!.
RobertWww@QuestionHome@Com
I am really unsure as to how to comment on this as I haven't gotten a complete picture!. Some of ur imagery is really well done, but I am a bit lost on what is actually happening!. As for a title, that would be for you to find one, but a few suggestions would certainly help u on ur road!. So perhaps something like "Haunted Nights" "The end of the Haunted" Stolen shadow hearts!?
Hopefully helps somewhat, it's kinda freezing cold so my mind isn't working!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
my favorite line: anything left is yours to keep, I like this, very good work and I love your avatar!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
its a good poem i like itWww@QuestionHome@Com