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Question: A lightly edited re-post reposted, whatayathink!?
We think in metaphors
it never rains, it pours
silver goblets full of pain and glory and
poetry is how we write the stories of our lives;
metaphor is the opera of the mind!.
Therefore, you'll find exaggeration,
a hesitation to settle for the unrealized potential
that is the unpainted truth!.
It is never just youth that is lost, but hope also- oblivion!.
This is the most compelling storyline
told and sold and filmed and sold and told again
generation after generation, amen!. And yet,
wipe away the stage makeup and the truth can shine
like a freshly-washed wound
both higher and lower, more of everything
than anything of fiction ever written!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Dear Blind Swordmaster, :-)
I'll try and be honest and helpful!. I think that the style of the poem is quite interesting!. The structure on the page, most of your line endings are interesting words, etc!. I think you have a real mastery of the essential elements!.
The place where this particular piece breaks down for me is in some of the abstract imagery and cliched phrases!. The play on "when it rains, it pours" from the old Morton salt boxes, while reflective of!.!.!.something, does little in the way you use it!.
also, on the subject of abstraction, a line like "silver goblets full of pain and glory" leaves me confused in a different way!. Since this is something I cannot imagine (pain and glory have no corporeal form) I can only think of this as a sense of the feeling!.
My advice in situations like that is to tell a writer to actually say something!. Let me ask you, if you'd written "I am in a bucket of pain"I think I would understand what you mean!. You'd be using the word pain as it is intended--a word for a level of discomfort that is no longer tolerable!. The exact measurement is not real, but the description of the feeling is accurate, based on the veracity of fiction (versus the veracity of life!.)
Conversely, I really like the last stanza of this poem!. It suffers some of the same problems as the first, but I really enjoyed that last line "than anything of fiction ever written!." That line has that evocative feeling I want without beating me senseless with abstract metaphors and similies!.
I want to be really clear--I think you're a good writer!. I don't spend this much time on every poem I read!. I just think you deserve an honest opinion!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Nice work! You verses are some of the most interesting lines I've read this week!. It's just "the poetry about a poetry"!.!.!.great idea!. I would make it even some kind of text for a song in a musical, sung by a choir :) really!Www@QuestionHome@Com