Position:Home>Poetry> Can you line-break this raw poem for me?

A neon keepsake for
my shattered hands
a blue blast that
stretches inward
and onward
a start bursting through
the chill
sets me on edge and
I wait
for another wayward wonder from
that deep, black
that frames the eyeline and
guards
the unknown!.
!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Always
(nice lesson, son)Www@QuestionHome@Com

---

---

A neon keepsake for my shattered hands / a blue blast that stretches inward and onward /a star bursting through the chill sets me on edge and / (get rid of the and) I wait for another wayward wonder from that deep, black that frames the eyeline and guards the unknown!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

---

---

A
neon keepsake
for my shattered
hands a blue blast
that stretches inward and onward
a star bursting through the chill sets
me on edge and I wait for
another wayward wonder from that deep, black that
frames the eyeline and guards the unknown!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

---

---

Wow great poem and hey I would go with Shmeckles seems to hit the nail on the head!! Geez wish I had done that !!! Cheers!!!

A Keepsake
Neon
For my shattered hands
Blue blast that stretches
Inward onward a star
Busting through chill
Sets me on edge
I wait for another
wayward wonder
from that deep black
frames eyeline and
guards the unknown

Thought I would come back and give it a whack---I hope I didn't give it a hack!! Cheers !!Www@QuestionHome@Com

---

---

Maybe something like this:

A neon keepsake for my shattered hands
a blue blast that stretches inward
and onward a star bursting through
the chill sets me on edge and I wait
for another wayward wonder from that deep,
black that frames the eyeline
and guards the unknown!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

---

---

A neon keepsake for my shattered hands,
A blue blast that stretches inward and onward!.
a star bursting through the chill of night,
sets me on edge!.
I wait for another wayward wonderfrom the deep,
black that frames the eyeline and guards the unknown!.
I tried now didn't I!. LMAOWww@QuestionHome@Com

---

---

A neon keepsake
for my shattered hands
a blue blast that stretches
inward and onward
a star bursting through
the chill sets me on edge
and I wait for another wayward wonder
from that deep,
black that frames the eyeline and
guards the unknown!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

---

---

A neon keepsake for my shattered hands
a blue blast that stretches inward
and onward
A star, bursting through the chill sets me on edge
and I wait
for another wayward wonder from that deep, black that frames the eyeline and guards!.!.!.
the unknownWww@QuestionHome@Com

---

---

*A neon keepsake
*for my shattered hands
* a blue blast
*Stretching inward and onward
* a star bursting through
*the chill sets me on edge
* I wait for another wayward wonder
* from that deep, black
*that frames the eye line and guards the unknown!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

---

---

It means:

"Taking a planetorial ride with styfulling false pride, all locked up from inside!. It's like You had died!. Things so diversified, left You feeling satisfied!."Www@QuestionHome@Com

---

---

you are the best at doing all things great!. a chill runs threw me when i think on you!. i will not change the way you put this poem in placeWww@QuestionHome@Com

---

---

why would anyone want to do anything to it !.!.it's perfect!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

---

---

No need!.!.!.

It's excellent "as is!.!.!."Www@QuestionHome@Com

---

---

Sounds good to me just as is!. Keep them coming!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

---

---

i can line danceWww@QuestionHome@Com

---

---

it'll hurt!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

---

---

Line breaks can be a very personal choice, depending upon where you, the poet, want the emphasis to fall (follow the rule of placing the most emphasis at the ends of things like lines, stanzas, poem itself); where you might want to exact more drama; where you need more motion or less (the point of the break also creates a pause)!.

Or, keep it as a prose poem & let the reader make their own line breaks & thus find their own meaning!.

Or, don't line-break the raw poem!. Instead wait to add line breaks until after you've made a few revisions, i!.e!., take out all the non-essential words!.!.!.re-work wording!.!.!.tighten everything up!. Then take a closer look at this version as to where line breaks would have the most impact or make the most sense!.

For example!.!.!.

Revision
For my shattered hands a neon keepsake, a blue blast stretching inward, onward; a star bursting through chill, setting me on edge!. I wait another wayward wonder from deep black eyeline, framing, guarding the unknown!.

Now add line breaks if you feel they are necessary!.

For example!.!.!.
Added line breaks
For my shattered hands
a neon keepsake,
a blue blast
stretching inward
onward,
a star bursting
through chill
setting me on edge!.

I await
wayward wonder
from deep black
eyeline, framing,
guarding
the unknown!.

Good luck!Www@QuestionHome@Com

---

---