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Question: Opinions on my poem, dislikes, likes, anything! THNX!?
WITH NO REMORSE

Maggots eat your souls,
nothing but an empty hole!.
I wonder what there's left to see!.
There's nothing else to be!.

Crawl in, deep inside your skin,
and what you see, is just a fiend!.

I saw the world devour in its past!.
I saw the world give in so fast!.

You sewed you mouth shut!.
Stitch by stitch, you never cut!.

Shame runs down your spine!.
There's never enough time!.
So why even try!?
You'll just watch the world go by!.

I saw the world devour in its past!.
I saw the world give in so fast!.

I wonder if you even tried!.
Were you looking for your pride!?

There's no need to cry!.
You act like some one's died,
every time you've been denied,
you turn around and your heart goes dry!.

I saw the world devour in its past!.
I saw the world give in so fast!.

The world never seems to spin,
until your in someone elses skinWww@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
i like it a lot!.!.!.altho i'd change how many rhymes it has, since it sounds a bit like a morbid Dr!.Seuss poem!. if you put more plain lines in there between the rhymes and describe a bit more, it will be even better, ^_^ or if i we're you I'd make slight word changes!. such as "i wonder what theres left to see, theres nothing else left to be" but the more i read it, the more i like it!. i dont really like the "you never cut" but everything else i like, especially the very last lines!. i dont think its too dark, i think its just dark enoughWww@QuestionHome@Com

its not morbid enough!.i think the part that says You sewed you mouth shut!.
Stitch by stitch, you never cut!.

i think it should be something like:

You sewed your mouth shut,you needed to shout!,for the demons within in you are dying to come out!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

hmmm!.!.!.!. i liked it although not hardcore thought provoking i liked it it has potential to sound good with music behind it keep writing your not badWww@QuestionHome@Com

Amateur!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Its a decent poem for sure,
but its really dark!.
lol
i say enter it in a poetry contest @ poetry!.com!.
they eat that stuff up =DWww@QuestionHome@Com

It's Okay!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Its a bit morbid to be honest, not keen, sorry!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wow, pretty weird, how did you think of that!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

its ok but its kind of dark!.!.it maked me shiver!.!.but its OKWww@QuestionHome@Com

really great work!. You re a superb poetWww@QuestionHome@Com

its fine, but its just really!.!. creepy and dark!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Ummmm!.!.!.I would just point out that your stanza structure goes 4-2-2-2-4-2-2-4-2-2, so I would either add a couple more couplets, take one of the first couplets out, or take the last couplet out!. The last option is probably my favorite, because if I was speaking the poem, I could fade/whisper the last lines to drive home the refrain, and those two lines will do the same thing in your reader's mind!.!.!.the last couplet leaves the reader waiting for the last refrain!. If you think about any music that has a repeating line, they almost always end by saying it over and over and over to a beat!. One last repetition of your most prevalent line is expected!. Oh, and you never use any part of your title in your poem!.!.!.you don't have to, but the reader might feel somewhat cheated because your title is your hook/attention grabber and it never reappears!.Www@QuestionHome@Com