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Question: A war poem!?
any suggestions!.!.
im not finished
When the door slams closed from the summer breeze,
I know its not you coming home from seas!.
And the rusting of footsteps emanating from beneath the door
It’s just a sad memory you will never be coming back from this war
When I grasp that handle on the door you stood and wished goodbye
Saying you’d be back for summer was your little white lie
You really didn’t have to go
Could have hidden those whims under the fresh fallen snow
My hearts rips like the knife that went into your flesh
But as your wounds old, my wounds are fresh
Enveloped with all you left behind
The smell of your shirt, the letters you wrote
All those things keeping me from my peace of mind
And from finding a happy noteWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
That is beautiful!
You seem to be doing a AABBCCDD pattern so if it was me I'd keep it consistent for the last lines
Enveloped with all you left behind
All those things keeping me from my peace of mind
The smell of your shirt, the letters you wrote
In your jacket, a folded note
then maybe you could ellaborate what was in the note!.!.!.
Just an idea anywayWww@QuestionHome@Com
This is really good!. A friend of mine joined the Army so I can relate!.
Is this based on the current war!? Or a war from the past!?
If you wanted to make a ballad, you could make the second stanza a refrain!.
Good job so far!. Keep it up!Www@QuestionHome@Com
wow this made me cry!. this is beautiful!. my dad is in the army!. he goes to afghanistan or iraq and we dont know if hes gonna be ok!. i see my friends as they mourn over their dead moms and dads!. i hear of deaths due to the war almost every day!. i live in vicenza italy beacuse my dad is stationed here right now and 9 young soldiers from here died just last week!. there are more than 20 in the hospital brutally injured or still recovering from the ambush!. its not a fun thing!. my mom always worry that some1 will show up at our door and tell us that my dad has died!. this is a beautiful poem!. it shows the crule feelings that run through some1s mind who has lost a loved one to war!.Www@QuestionHome@Com